Worshipped by all, she has
Servants of fire and warmth
Ready to satisfy her every need
Sitting on a throne of glass,
Skin like snow, lips like frost
A crown of ice sits atop her cold head
They bow before her, on one knee
Asking humbly what she wishes of them
Her eyes send crystal daggers through their hearts
Her own heart is as her crown;
Ice; care is absent from her soul
She orders them around; a selfish hedonist
Yet the fiery servants come back
Day after snowy day, for their Queen
Perhaps in the faint hope that one day,
Her heart of ice will melt for them
Author notes
limechic
Just how I feel sometimes...people do everything for me...and I treat them like shit...
How does an Ice Queen get on the throne in the first place?
A contest entry
- prewrites by aeolia.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just about anything by my1lovewearsdiapers.
600 points, ended July 22, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I pretty much agree with everything Sailor Ptolema said; I've nothing else to add other than that you could show us this ice queen instead of just forcing a bunch of tellish bromides down our throats. Say something original and I'll care.
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Ok; Logistics:
left-align and get rid of the unnecessary capping of the first letter of every line. It's distracting, period.
"Her eyes send crystal daggers through their hearts">>this is terribly cliched...sorry.
"Her own heart is as her crown;">>this i did like very much
overall; i found this to be rather cliched, and devoid of emotion. Now; i know this is about how an ice queen acts; but it's lack of emotion is not done well. I felt like i was reading about the White Witch in "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe."....not as original as it could be. I suggest editing to improve cohesion and uniqueness.
SP
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"Sitting on a throne of glass,
Skin like snow, lips like frost
A crown of ice sits atop her cold head"
Favorite fo sho.
I've always wondered that too :]
Thank you for entering and good luck.
♥
~Princess of Shadows~ -
Dichotomy
a real ice queen wouldn't care how she came to power-
and actual servants don't return, because they can never leave.
"Her heart of ice will melt for them"--
the fact that you left this line on it's own tell me
that you probably subconsciously wanted it to be a statement.
you may feel this way sometimes, but i'm sure your followers see through the ice to what is beneath.
i'm frozen out of a couple of my friends lives right now, but i'm not interested in the relationships because they are painful, but because i found something in them that i appreciate.
so, i can relate to the "servants" waiting for the things to change.
again, you made me think heavily on this piece.
kudos and clappies, lime.
you rock, ice queen!
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great poem i really cant think of the words to describe this poem.... verry good keep it up... 8/10
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You say your muse is gone...? Imagery...personification...description...this is one of the best poems you've ever written. I in just five short stanzas you've managed to paint a picture. Gold in a contest anyone?
My god...every stanza is just...I want to criticize, but I can't find any area that needs improvement. The similes that are present...snow/frost...throne of glass...as I picture the servants as living beings that are eternally on fire. Absolutely amazing...you need more of these types of writes in your arsenal.
"Yet the servants come back
Day after day, for their Queen
Perhaps in the hope that one day,
Her heart of ice will melt for them"
The best ending to any poem you've ever written. The muse has returned and with a bang. Honestly (and others will agree) one of the best poems you've wrtten thus far. The language the description...everything. I'm speechless. 10 out of 10. The prettiest picture you've ever painted...somewhat dark...but soft in ways.
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