I appear here once again amidst the darkness,
Struggling for escape from my plague’s wrath.
Murk hides my shadows and my movement is masked
By my heart’s hushed fears and the gloomy black.
Brandished threats echo outside and creep ‘round my heart
Like a cigarette’s smoke and I can’t escape:
I breathe it in and fear swamps my blood.
I flutter my eyes and spite zaps my sight.
I open my mouth and malice invades.
Misery and despair run through my body
As I trifle with time just to seek my refuge.
I was told hiding in myself would keep it way
But I guess my contagion still found me.
Author notes
I wrote this on the account of my memories of how hard my first year of middle school was, with changes of friendship, grades, and other pressures that seemed to torment me. I doubt my transition to high school will be like that, though!
A contest entry
- A year in reverse. by bonjourbunnie.
700 points, ended August 5, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything Specific To Improve On?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Middle school is a time in our lives when big changes happen. Because that's when we really start to grow up and decisions made that really do affect us.
This was a very well penned poem -
8 out of 10
I like when, in "angst" poetry, a positive is stated and a negative trumps it. Like...I just won the lottery but I have cancer and will live one more day. It is a silly example but I hope you get the idea. Just MY taste. I am considering expanding 19. Its funny that no one noticed the significance of the number. -
"I open my mouth and malice invades."
Now that gave me those creative goosebumps. I can't explain the feeling but I suspect I am not alone.I'm sure others have similar reactions. Great stuff -
I appreciate your advice.
You're a very skilled writer. I'm inspired=D -
It's really good
I love some of the words you use and your vividness, u can really imgane it
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I like the line involving the cigarette smoke, very clever. :3
Good luck in the contest.
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