I saw you there in front of me-
Your face, your hands, your eyes.
I hear you talk,I hear you tell,
Your hopes, your dreams your lies.
I walked with you a sunlit trail,
Together hand in hand.
Then twilight came and you were gone,
And alone i stand.
The woods are black thge trees are cold,
The dark is closing in.
And you have gone away from me,
your faultless light has dimmed.
Betrayal is an empty space,
Raw light, cold room, alone
And no-one can reedeem your face,
Sweet knight,safe light, your gone.
A contest entry
- Taste of Romance by Reptile Lady by Reptile Lady.
475 points, ended July 23, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just 16 and Under 16's Only - Many Prompts by Errant Panther.
586 points, ended September 18, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Send me away with emotion by Fallen-Thumper.
500 points, ended July 10, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
awesome
-
nice
I love it makes me think back to my first true love,she upandleft in the middle of the night so...yeah
-
great job and really well written.
really enjoyed reading this, alot of emotion.
good luck and thanks for entering -
I love this...Emotion, flow and feel of this is amazing...Great job!
Lynda
-
lovely piece laced with sadness and romance, just a couple edits need to be made capitalise "i", remove the g from "thge" and reedeemed has too many e's - take out one after the r. best wishes to you and plz also add to author notes the option this is for.
-
Sad write, full of betrayal and lost in thoughts.
The last stanza leading to subtle hopes.
Thank you for your entry and best wishes
Julie
-
Betrayal is an empty space,Raw light, cold room, alone
And no-one can reedeem your face,Sweet knight,safe light, your gone. wow a very powerful and true last stanza I can relate to your words to good luck in the contest
-
a god capture of what betrarya is and how empty ones heart my become when this happens,
return the favor.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
