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Moon Prayer

 

Moon-2-1-2.jpg picture by jackiee1970

 

 

 

Author notes

My first EVER form! *does a crazy dance* lol - Ballad Measure: 8 syllable line (may rhyme) followed by 6 syllable line (rhyme)

I'm running a contest on Form poetry.. had a mad idea to try some of the forms by including a little verse in my comments on the entries, picking something from their write to base mine on... *has lost it* lol... I have since added a fourth verse

This Form was used by cricketjeff in his poem The Catalyst - for details on the form check out his poem.  Thanks also to cricket jeff for his suggestion on the line with "radiant" in... to read this as a 2 syllable count rather than 3 .. we Kiwis pronounce it 'ray-dee-int' lol

 

OK.. it's my first attempt at Form ever... so be gentle with me people!!

 

 

 

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Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • Ken-Maverick
    1 day ago
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    You got an "Awwww" out of me
    and that's quite rare these days.
    I didn't know you could rhyme so well
    ...and first attempt tooo
    Just shaweet I say!!!

    Ken


  • stavykm gold member
    November 18, 2008

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    Just Beautiful

    Oh the imagery and prayer is just beautiful. The rhyme, rhythem and flow was just remarkable. I loved every part of this poem for it read so flawlessly. Heart with soul my favorite kind of poetry.
    Love Ya Sis
    Kelle


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      November 18, 2008
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      Thank you sis! This is the only time I have ever tried Form Poetry. Was a challenge but loved doing it! Should do it more often lol


  • Dena62265
    August 17, 2008

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    Lovely poem, such great flow. I really like the phrasing of "Past paths surrendered shadowed fear much sadness brought to face" I really enjoyed reading this write.


  • crimsondew
    August 12, 2008

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    Lovely poem..flows so well too...love the imagery...
    and teh first 2 lines are my fav, I have a whole list dedicated to sun and moon poems...

    My son just broke my record and drove his jeep over my arm and on my face as I type this...

    you will do good in forms dear...


  • Moonlightdragon gold member
    July 30, 2008

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    simply elegant and beautiful

    The goddess of the sliver moon will wrap you in the mantle of her love and healing light
    May you have her blessing this day and all days

    Blessed be


    light and love
    Robert


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    July 22, 2008

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    I think all of us wish another could bestow upon us such a wish. Such a beautifully crafted poem. I enjoyed reading very much.

  • aaaaaaaa
    July 22, 2008
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    wow!!! this has me at a loss for words. brilliant. *bows*


  • stavykm gold member
    July 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful Prayer

    This is just beautiful and so touching. Your poem says a lot and your attempt to me is perfect. You are such an advanced poetess and I feel so honored to have the pleasure to read your poetry. Just shows the beauty that lies within your very heart and soul.
    Much Love Always
    Your Sis
    Kelle Marie


  • Ronztrek
    July 21, 2008

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    Amen!



    Truly a potent and soul lifting prayer for the weary and wounded spirits. A prayer so worthy of surrendering too, as it guides us from out of the painful shadows into this "tender hue"... a place to release our inner sufferings and be soothed by its "gentle glow"

    Thank you for sharing!





  • Amera gold member
    July 18, 2008

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    (I step back and look at you, I step back one more step with my mouth open wide) - This my friend is spectacular! I have never seen you rhyme before and now that I see it, I realize just how perfect your gift is. You have the true heart of a poet and this composition proves it beyond any shadow of a doubt. Not only are your words pure art but you also created a masterpiece in structure by overlaying the verse and interfacing it with the graphic. Bravo!

    Love,
    Amera♥


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply


      Thank you so much!!! I am greatly honoured by your comment hun.. coming from you it means so much as I am in awe of your talent!

      (I used to rhyme a lot.. then started freeverse and lost it! lol)

      Thank you again



  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    July 17, 2008

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    I think this is a wonderful first attempt at form. you created such an atmosphere with your words of inspiration....or should i say, search for inspiration. I think this is a great poem and it seems like nothing is forced. you also added alittle alliterations and rhyme that is not overdone.
    I love it

  • chiefmac
    July 17, 2008

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    The rhyme is lovely and bounces like lyric up and down the scale when set to music. The moon is pleased to hear the price is paid for a moment of grace shared. The ear to sound lets this flow over the tongue smoothly and captures the reader left with a smile.


  • aboomer silver member
    July 17, 2008

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    Beautiful! I love your wording - I would not have known this was a 'form' - but then I don't know much about forms...lol...
    I also pronounce radiant - 'ray-dee-int'......so I still read it as 3 syllables...lol
    I couldn't pick a favorite line - they all go so well together!
    Lovely!!


  • faderman1959
    July 17, 2008

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    Wonderful kiwi! I love form poetry and you did a terrific job with this!


  • Swangrnv gold member
    July 17, 2008
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    l.o.l.

    how's this?... B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.! DOES THAT WORK?


  • Barely Breathing gold member
    July 17, 2008

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    This is so beautiful. It was so amazing to read. I loved the line "Please strength infuse in fragile flesh", your write has such great imagery. Well done, this is really a great write.


  • Valley Girl silver member
    July 17, 2008

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    This is such a beautiful write. I have never attempted any different style of writting before lol. I really like the imagery that you have used with this. Its hard to believe this is your first attempt! Thanks for sharing Auntie J!


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    July 17, 2008

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    oh this is such a clever write, i love the ending of this and the form is most impressive. you are very clever


  • rbruce gold member
    July 17, 2008

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    Jackie, this is very good. Try it more often, it does take a fair bit of discipline but the end result is usually worth the effort.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    July 17, 2008

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    If it wasn't for your AN I don't think many would realise this is form, you've done it so smoothly, so pleased you posted it A stunning piece hunni, beautifully written...how's the migraine


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    July 17, 2008

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    Way to go Jacks-- Great Form & Great Rhyme and
    you know me--I got a "Thing" for Rhyme!!
    Very Well Done!! Now I expect you to enter my numerous Rhyming Contests!!


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks my friend! I'm a rhymer from way back.. just forgot how to do it! lol.. but Form it was a challenge I tell ya! lol


  • notorious gold member
    July 17, 2008

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    Nifty

    Oh hey, it's a picture for a poem!! How snazzy =D

    "sweep"
    Shouldn't it be 'swept'? Or 'sweeps'? Otherwise...I likey this verb use.

    "sorrow that spirits close impart"
    Ooh. This entire thing is poetic.

    "abode"
    What an utterly pretentious and great word.

    "surrendered shadowed fear"
    Dark and eerie.

    You know...for form poetry, it didn't feel like form poetry...BUT DON'T YOU DARE CONVERT ON ME PERMANENTLY!!!!!

    I tried 2 haikus before, and wanted to kick everybody in my vicinity. =D But kudos to you for facing your fear of form poetry and doing a really really non-crap first attempt!!


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 17, 2008

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      Cheers dude! Don't you worry.. I won't convert completely!

      I get ya on the 'sweeps' bit.. but I'm trying to ask the moonlight to come sweep over my skin.. hmm.. I don't think I'm making sense at all!! But then I've been awake for 3 days

      • notorious gold member
        July 17, 2008
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        Energy drink + morphine + sofa/bed/sofa bed...That's what you need.


  • sailor ptolema
    July 16, 2008

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    OH this is lovely Jacks! A stellar first attempt at form! I see cricketjeff is converting you ...I think he goes around sprinkling form dust on people lol: he converted me I loved this!

    ~Pt


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    July 16, 2008
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    Its beautiful!!

    And such lovely form.

  • PureCountry
    July 16, 2008

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    Wonderful Prayer

    to Grandmother Moon. As one who practices the red road of Native beliefs, I found many pleasing thoughts in your offering.

    While I cannot speak to the form, I know this piece is in keeping with your prior work. Wonderful flow, and beautiful descriptive thoughts therein.

    Niaish for sharing,

    Silent Hawk

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    July 16, 2008

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    Wow Beats head against wall this is great im not good at form poetry but I am going to try to write something for your contest tomorrow lol This is great and you did well from what I seen of this form


  • Cannonsfire
    July 16, 2008

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    lol Can you win your own contest I love this, it is soft and lilting and see I knew jeff would get you to the dark side Well done kiwi sis in law of mine C

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