night was weak-kneed
4 a.m. thunder rolled,
his car rocked road
on the way home
she paced in
faded flannelette's,
hoped new perfume
wasn't seeping through;
cracks appearing in her
fragile fingers
was she his penny
in the wishing well,
words of his prayer
or the music of his song
in times of some
but not many,
life became the rasping
on an old 45
Cohen dancing with her
on the knife edge of love,
too dumb to notice scratches
were the voice she heard,
slowly losing her mind
he pulled in the driveway
listening to what she didn't know,
the strains of hallelujah,
the bed across town,
jumbled in his head
lightning swallowed the lights
never exposing his smile,
she lit a candle to find the lies
A contest entry
- Is that a Marilyn in your Longfellow or are you just happy to see me? by Cat.
1650 points, ended August 7, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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there is a gentleness, a subtlety here that belies the underlying tension... so many good images....
"I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you..."
Hallelujah
al -
she lit a candle to find the lies
such a nice line- one of many tucked through out this piece-
good use of the prompt- with only a careful, passing mention
thank you for the entry
m
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you nailed it
the bed across town
the candle finding lies
This is fine. Just fine.
Tom
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My goodness hun.. that is such a story you have penned! I can see a lifetime in those words! And again, and ending that blows me away!
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Just shifting voices to contemporary at the moment, more in experimentation but I get sick of sounding the same lol I am a chameleon
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I get sick of it too... don't change it up enough! lol
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Impressive free verse! I read this several times to see if I was right. I was! Every stanza in this poem has an original quotable line. I’m glad I didn’t miss this.
Love,
Amera♥
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Awww Thanks Amera, always wrastle with poems for Cat and Al, makes me dig a little deeper. lol Love, C
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Well you did this one up right, in my opinion anyway.
Ah, hallelujah.
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lol Thanks, I wonder if Cohen knew he'd become a pop icon lol
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wowzers...this is amazingly great, good luck in teh contest and take care
sepahnie &hearts
love you big sissy
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ya back little sister and thanks for the bunnies Love, C
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