Don't Fear the Reaper

I wish to confront Death,
who has plagued me and followed me around for at least three years now...

He always does annoying things, like repeatedly asking me questions while I am trying to talk to someone on the telephone,

or distracting my attention with his nagging back-seat driving while I am trying to watch the road...

He constantly taps me on the shoulder while I am trying to think

with his tall skinny frame and his long bony fingers, and that silly cloak and top hat that look like they are straight out of the civil war era

I am so fed up with his bullshit...

Would he persist with his constant haranguing, if i dropped my balls in his face?

and asked him how my nuts taste?

He would most likely cower with Fear
which would be the opposite of what you would expect, usually...

I would make Death my little bitch,
make him do small annoying tasks for me,
constantly bust his balls and give him shit
and me and my friends would have many good laughs at his expense

He would always be the scapegoat for anything that went wrong around the house..."Aw Death you screwed up again...Here let me have it... Jesus! you can't do anything right!"

Me and my friends would make him do things like kneel on all fours and serve as a footrest while we watched the basketball game and talked about women.


We would make an example out of death so that Fear, Worry, and Shadow of a Doubt would all know and see firsthand what happens when you get out of line around here.


Then they would all know who is the boss of me