While listening to pre-beat Jazz.
Damn, the rain will not fall as -
- We never said "Should it?" to their blue sky.
In the land of one season
There is hardly ever a reason
You can keep what you've been thinkin' must be my pie.
Because, the pies are for their parades
Where their petals shall surely cascade
Only to dry up as all that is written
Can you tell March from this June?
As you hand fill all of your "too soons"
For the children that'll never be much taller for thinking.
But it's not just in their height
Or what we're claimin' "wrong from right"
Since there's nothing left, but to raise sheep conforming.
I know that you'll build the best float
Like your hand-crafted sail-boat
Even though before you none found the Grail's edge.
So as I claim the world that flat
And I, your sure footed front door mat
Did you know next door there's an old man
That'll fix your shoe's sole, but not yours, for a nickel?
Author notes
I would take my gold membership and give it to the legless children in Iraq, so that they'd have another reason to hate our ridiculously out to lunch egomaniacle culture
Written January 7th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Mic Check (Lyric Contest) by cgirl0410.
300 points, ended May 14, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is a really great piece. And I love the comment in your author's note. I liked the depth and the range this piece went to. Great write. Thanks for entering the contest. Good luck. - cgirl0410
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I love how you take the entire context in between your teeth and shake it about like a pissed of dog, it creates this randomness that i admire, i love the lines..
Because, the pies are for their parades
Where their petals shall cascade
To dry up as when they were first ridden.
thanks so much for entering and the best of luck, yours becca -
Well, even if my name was taken in vain, I still enjoyed this write. I've said it before and will say it again: poetry, unlike a novel or short story, is writen for the pure sake of the poet and poem. The reader only takes from it what they can understand. If you take nothing away, maybe it's because you didn't bring anything to put it in.
~~~POO~~~ (but not edgar allen)
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Eh, interesting comments.
Anyways, the poem was very nice. It made me think. I liked the fourth stanza, especially the first line. All and all, a nice poem. Cant say that this is better or worse than your other ones cause this is the first I've read. Good luck in the contest
~Lana
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What do you have to wager?
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Never even spoken to the contest holder before. Won the gold for a reason bud. With two entries you didn't even won 3rd place. You have to enter more than once to have the slightest chance at winning. That pretty much says it all. Don't need to count anything, I'll enter contests you're in and will kick that ass again.
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Wow, I'm all a twitter, just because you were 'friends' with the last contest holder, and clearly lubed your way to the gold, doesn't mean the same thing can't happen here (Because I mean your manifesto on the inner workings of a serial killer was shit, truly, pure shit), but I beg you... If you wan't to start COMPETING DJ edgar allen Poo, better count my TROPHIES first.
Edited on Mar 21, 9:52 p.m. because ''. -
ok. I think this one really sucks and I will enter this contest to kick your ass again, yes with gold.
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i definitely enjoyed this. however, i don't think this is one of your best. i kind of agree with t munky in saying that you don't appear to have used your voice to its potential. the ambiguous, omnipresent 'they' is too vague for my liking (but that's not to say i didn't miss the boat on some deeper meaning). i think "too soons" should be "too soon"s, though it doesn't look, or read, nearly as nicely; so this point is contentious. similarly, i got stuck on "So as I claim this world that flat" - it was too rough and distracting for me to seamlessly progress through the following lines. i also think it's "lebAnese".
however, i loved stanzas 1 and 4. i think this piece could be re-worked around them and prove much more powerful for it. -
Hate to say it, but I'm not very impressed. Best one of yours I've read so far...and...well, I'm a bit dissapointed.
I'll applaud it anyways, because of your contest. I feel that you could have used your words better. Someone like you should make your statement so much more powerful than this.
Edited on Dec 18, 2:27 p.m. because 'spelling- the bane of my existence'. -
Nice work, good depiction of our sad society lol, i enjoyed this thx for the read gl with future works.
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Hmmm... I like this a lot, not sure I get it all but to me, it speaks of society, government and what we've become as a result of their prowess (to use the word rather loosely).
A very good write, much food for thought over my afternoon coffee
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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Okay...I don't quite get this...but anyway. It sounds good, though the rhyming kind of wavers in and out (maybe that's what it's supposed to do, I don't know). Anyways. Thanks for entering and good luck.
Bitter-Pill
ANTI-PINK
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