Gratitude slipped between cracks
hiding the tattered tales once built
for what beholds behind falsified flesh
is trapped within my heart's knowledge;
From the curves of corruption you seethe
but my being grasps the insight of truth
and you are the flower blooming within
living to let me live, and I know you.
For when I awake it is not the sun
but your face I see
smiling through the sorrow
uplifting my eyes, to believe
because I believe in you.
Dancing through dandelions
embracing the days
so that the air in my lungs cease
and all that's needed is your kiss.
Alas! there is nothing sweeter,
there is no beauty or time
that could breach the name
I so long to say
that in-fact does not even touch your being.
Therefore I dwell in the dreams of evidence
where words whispered remained locked in my ears
"I am yours forever and always, love"
and I know what I am,
your soul.
[the world,
innocence,
time, and
your other half]
Author notes
dedicated/inspired by my lory
xxxxxxx
username: luna-midnight
A contest entry
- I Need Favorites ^___^ by edit my world..
555 points, ended September 3, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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very beautiful...i can feel the romance throughout the poem...
i loved every bit of this..
thanks so much for entering
Dani♥ -
Beautiful romance... This just warmed my heart and sparked my soul. Your imagery is superb.
~Cassie
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thanks
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Beautiful sis, just says so much
Love, C
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thanks
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"Gratitude slipped between cracks
hiding the tattered tales once built"
Great metaphors...your opening line is so strong.
"for what beholds behind falsified flesh"
Pretentious phrasing...but it works.
"is trapped within my hearts knowledge;"
Should be 'heart's knowledge' with an apostrophe.
"From the curves of corruption you seethe
but my being grasps the insight of truth"
Corruption having curves...well done!! And I love the word 'seethe'...
Reminds me of the word 'scathing', which I LOVE. "insight of truth" is cleverly written...and oh-so-true!!
"and you are the flower blooming within
living to let me live, and I know you."
These lines read off like song lyrics..."and I know you" kind of makes me think of Evanescence.
"dandy-lions"
I'm 90% sure that you intentionally wrote it like this...but in case you didn't, it's 'dandelions'.
All the lines I highlighted...I loved reading.
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haha but you dont love the poem as a poem
thanks -
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There were some parts that weren't QUITE as magical
But the magical parts were...truly magickkkk from Dumbledore's wand! -
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i wrote it for lory anyway and he kept rushing me,lol
but thanks
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Awwwwwww Steph this is fabulous and very touching. You speak so elegantly through your words he should feel luck to have caught your eye and your heart
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awww thnaks
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Wow, this is so beautifully touching to me... You did a fine job with touching the soul in these words
"for what beholds behind falsified flesh
is trapped within my hearts knowledge;" -Lovin the depth here.
"and you are the flower blooming within
living to let me live, and I know you." -I can feel the stern seriousness, of truth, within these lines.
"smiling through the sorrow
uplifting my eyes, to believe
because I believe in you." - The love.
"so that the air in my lungs cease
and all that's needed is your kiss." - In love.
"I so long to say
that in-fact does not even touch your being." Harshness.
""I am yours forever and always, love"
and I know what I am,
your soul.
[the world,
innocence,
time, and
your other half]
Overall - wonderful write with many points in it where I thought.. This is what poetry is all about.
LOVE! Always *AmBeR*
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Also
Lovin the title as well
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hahaha, thanks again
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thanks so much
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beautiful simply beautiful
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awww i love you, *kisses*
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