Pursed lips are only the beginning of my emotions,
if only life could be as simple as you,
resting your delicate wings on abused soil,
my body awaits the feel of your rose petal softness.
I envy your freedom,
from night to day you fly to the destination of your desire,
but when I look in the mirror I see me,
confined to this room and I wish I was like you.
Give me wings so I can fly away,
give me a dream so my soul doesnt fade away,
give me the answers to my awaiting fate.
Dance butterfly,
spread your wings like an eagle just set free into the sky.
Your colors contrast my pale skin,
I fade into the background while you spring forth with life.
It isnt fair that God made you so beautiful and full of hope,
but made me grotesque and helpless.
Author notes
Its for a contest. Im just giving it a shot Ive never done a picture prompt before.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Vividly Penned My dear
The beauty with which you have penned this most exquisite and vivid write is exceptional and a pleasure to read. It's like awakening to a fresh dawn following a balmy summer's eve. Though it may ring as personal for you, it does so for many others as well in the way of self esteem and other real-life dilemmas many girls and women alike encounter.
I thank you for having the bravery and boldness to share with us your life's experiences, thoughts, and daily interactions with self. It is truly worth the honour of knowing you my daughter. I've been gone much too long, but in returning your writing has given my muse inspiration and admiration.
I would have only changed this area:
Give me wings so I can fly away,
give me a dream so my soul doesnt fade away
As the redundancy of repeating "away" at the end of the line 2x takes away the dramatic flow of the piece. I would probably have just removed the second 'away' as it still flows well without it. Otherwise, my favorite was this:
if only life could be as simple as you,
resting your delicate wings on abused soil,
Thanks for sharing with us your heart.
~Sphynx"
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Alright, I'm back for round two, now that I am judging
First off, the title is great - and gives your write great explanation. The idea of our reality, walking around with stresses and LEGS.. lol - contrasting with a beautiful butterflies world, of freeness, beautiful colors, and WINGS to soar. Ahhh, wouldn't it be amazing??
One thing, I love all the beautuful words used here, but I really wish there was more punctuation to seperate phrases and lines from others.
"if only life could be as simple as you,
resting your delicate wings on abused soil," - I love these lines together, it gives me almost exactly the same sense that the titles says - only it's pure vs. unpure. Just a nice contrast
"I envy your freedom,
from night to day you fly to the destination of your desire,
but when I look in the mirror I see me,
confined to this room and I wish I was like you." - I can feel the depth's of sadness and almost desperation here, to be someone, or even something else. I know the feeling
"Dance butterfly,
spread your wings like an eagle just set free into the sky." - I love how this is so uplifting, it makes my spirit want to soar - high as the stars... Beautiful.
"Your colors contrast my pale skin,
I fade into the background while you spring forth with life." I like how you put the picture into scene here, even though it isn't posted, I can visualize it here
Overall, amazing write, as I said earlier The only thing I could see that maybe needed some fixing was to possibly add some punctuation. - Otherwise, I loved the words and the meaning of this piece... Thank you for entering Always, Amber
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BRAVO!!!! BRAVO!!!! I love this piece and can even identify with it in a way!!!!!!!! Many times I've wished to be free and fly away from everything as does the butterfly, but I can not!!!!!!!!!!! This is a great write!!!!!! As usual, you have out done yourself!!! Best wishes in the contest!!!!!!!!!
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I envy your freedom,
from night to day you fly to the destination of your desire,
but when I look in the mirror I see me,
confined to this room and I wish I was like you.
Give me wings so I can fly away,I too have often felt this way. This is a wonderful piece of work. I love the flow of it and it has so much feeling to it. Great write and a wonderful read *star*~mandie~
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OMG - this is definately.. amazing I love how I can feel the waver of the two realities! Thank you for your entry
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