burning flesh smells salty
sweat makes its way
in between thighs
back of neck
tides take over
pulling me back
to the earth
my mind plays tricks
am i wicked in my ways
of wanting passion on
cold nights and hot days alike
i am six inches from your mouth
four from your heart and
two times i have found myself
retracting from your heat
and the way it blisters
my love
Author notes
like seven inches from the midday sun... prompt
In a list
A contest entry
- man it's a hot one by Cat.
1500 points, ended July 20, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Amy Chybinski-Brown this is really nice... i really like the final stanza... this works for me... i agree with Mary, i would lose the "my love" at the close, it detracts more than it adds...
all in all a wonderful entry here, thanks
al -
with each read i have been very impressed with the final stanza
minus the "my love" line which i think you could eliminate for a stronger poem-
you have a really good idea here through out the piece
it could be a bit more concrete
but - that said
the ending is a wham, bam thank you ma'am and very well done
thanks so much for entering the contest
m
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Great One!
I really loved this one, and for you, it's a pretty sensual one..I completely get it. I think I am gonna make a new list of just my favorite ones of yours. Every time I feel I write something pretty good, you up me yet again, ha ha ha...not that anyone's counting...as long as you have more, lol. I'm just teasing you cuz you are crazy and know it...love ya!
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Id have to say, this is pretty hot
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