Her eyes
deep black puddles
brown smoke clouds her mind
and blinds it to what we can see-
the seasonal shipwreck
a boat on the edge
as she glides across sun and moon
beams.
Sailing steel winds
to the ends of the earth
a pink rose upon skin coloured seas.
Rise from the ocean
taste tears
touch emotion
come stranger, and reaquaint me.
A contest entry
- contemporary, personal poetry. by birds.
536 points, ended July 25, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - imagery! (of whatever you like) =] by sora..
450 points, ended August 11, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - inspire me!! by fluffatron69.
700 points, ended November 2, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me feeling by Cant force beloved.
700 points, ended December 10, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Rhyme by piccola.
900 points, ended March 9, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Thought You Had Me? by shysky.
550 points, ended October 28, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
yO
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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The simplicity of this is astounding. Its an incredible write. While it may not suit what I'm looking for I had to comment and let you know that this was amazing! Well done.
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Nice job and I enjoyed it but can't find the rhyme ? The contest is for rhyme. Is there something I'm not seeing?
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Dynamic- I hate the word, but it is. I just flicked through a couple of unfinished writes, just totally lost the mind to comment. I'll add you. Diverse voice.
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That was a simple yet profound poem, and it left me wanting more!! I liked the last lines best, good write overall, too! good luck in the contest!
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I'm actually not sure what to say to this. It's good.. just leaves me speachless. Starts off slightly depressing, but I like the turn of the wave, so to speak. Cool.
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this is beautiful.
i loved:
"Sailing steel winds
to the ends of the earth"
=]
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This is beautiful and romantic.
Somehow I feel dorky just for saying that.
Excellent pal.
Glad to see your masterful words again.
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beautiful Alex, fantastic word choice as always, well played mate!!! best of luck in the contest
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I really like this one, it feels like it should be read in a whisper, i love those steel winds, fab words...wish i had thought of them! Good luck in the contest. Janice x
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ahhhhh. a pleasure to read.
just enough intrigue in content - and the rhyme of ocean and emotion in the last 4 lines gives the reader an extra thrill. good luck in the contest.
i enjoyed this. - NANGALEEMA
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Lovely wording! Such a nice romantic, yet sad, feel to this. Great images! Great job! I really like this.
best wishes in your contest.
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mmh...mysterious,yeah, thats the word.
Mysterious -
Beautiful poem! I loved the imagery! I liked the way the words were physically presented, it gave me time to let the beautiful words sink in and added an even stronger feel to the poem! Great job!
-Miki- -
There is a crack
a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
..........
Leonard Cohen.
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beautiful words for a beautiful feel. I like your metaphors and the way you spaced it out. Good job with the imagery. Pen on...
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well done
Flows well. Strong and colorful imagery. I did find the hyphen after "sea" somewhat ambiguous. Did you mean "sea-rise", or something else?
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this was a really good poem!! I really liked the imagery here.. It was really vivid and detailed.. There was a lot of depth to this piece as well.. You really did beautifully.. Best of luck with this contest..
Angel
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Fantastic
A very deep and very moving piece Alex. You have managed to put into prose exactly the way I feel about someone close at the moment. Taste tears, kiss devotion, come stranger and reaquaint me....so beautiful but at the same time so so sad. Well done, it's superb.
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