Shivering as vibrations run its course through me
As the whisper of winds attempts to slice my skin
A dormant temper attempting to find its true outlet
I hear her calling my name through this suffering
Wishing for a day where our hearts interlock as one
Though broken trust leaves a bitter taste upon my tongue
In her eyes I do see a true heaven; wings spread free
She's the only one to allow my soul that sigh of relief
A prisoner of my own mind encased in a closed bracket
A deep secret of hers torturing me ever so constantly
I cannot enter her imagination; it has been locked
Our friendship has be unfairly teased by love
For the power to rewind through history, I'd kill
Back to a time when just her smile would captivate me
My true seniorita; the beauty of a thousand Venus'
Her voice is but a lullaby to my saddened ears
Life's script has not written a happy tale for us
As I sit here waiting for our epic grand finale...
Author notes
Option 4: WORD BANK
I've done a word bank in order before...and I think it's GREAT! I loved how my piece turned out here, this contest is amazing!
Pretty much tells the story of how pained I am...and to solve it all...I just want her back. I love her so much. We can never be together...but I hold on to that zero-hope...waiting and waiting...
I hope you all enjoy reading/judging this...good luck to other contestants!
A contest entry
- - 7 Fantastic Options - by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1050 points, ended July 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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awww this is really sweet and expressive, always does fit with a romantic twist.
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Some of this felt cliche -- rewinding time, prisoner in your own mind, hearts becoming one, etc -- and in the first stanza, you kept using "it's" instead of "its." "It's" is "it is" and "its" is the possessive.
I'm not quite sure about the spacing of the last two lines; personally, I think they'd read better one after the other without so much space, but that's just me. I like the take on the old "life is a play of passion" type thing, except your finale concentrates on doomed love.
Good luck in the contest!
-Cristina -
wow i honestly didnt even realize this was a word bank option...you used everything perfectly...it flowed so well!! the imagery is great, i love the script and the epic grand finale. i should just copy and paste the whole poem here because theres really not one part that i dont love! SO GOOD!! KEEP IT UP
good luck in the contest =) -
"the whisper of winds attempts to slice my skin"
this line was brilliant.
excellent write! good luck!
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