Awaiting empathetic bower,
once wandering, wide world would scour,
acceptance shared helps man and miss

to merge, defences shed, dismiss
superficial difference,
reluctance sitting on the fence.

Author notes

sonnet

Background :
http://flickr.com/photos/anua22a/2667359054/
http://zweezwyy.deviantart.com/art/Cometh-the-Borg-91625376

Links pic :
http://photobucket.com/image/animated%20links/PAG_Guild/buttons/Rougue_starry_links_animated.gif?o=8

pic Geranium
http://www.nikonsmallworld.com/images/gallery2005/fullsize/5224_GERANIUM_FLOWER.jpg

In a list

Courtesy welcome and extended [Reward: double points]

Comments

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kiwigirljacks
July 19

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Hi and thanks for the entry. As per the rules can you please include a description of the sonnet form you have used so I can get an understand of the form! Thank you!
Livvie
July 18
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The words by themselves are beautiful. Try as I might to read it properly, the meter seemed faulty in places. I really think this deserves to be re-worked.

One note: "man and miss" comes across as somewhat sexist. Perhaps you could replace it with something more neutral, like "acceptance shared helps love and love / to merge, defences shed, dismiss".
. Rewarded 6
- Jonathan ROBIN
  July 18
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  Of mice and men - and hit and miss
  You seem to have chosen to ignore the aabb rhyme scheme before the final rhyming couplet at the end of the sonnet.
  
  With respect, some, including the author, encounter no error in either rhyme or rhythm
- - Livvie
    July 18
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    It's true that it would knock your rhyme scheme out. However, I do think it's better not to force words into a rhyme scheme. If you do, the poem ends up ill-conceived and clumsy. Just because something rhymes with "dismiss" doesn't mean it should be there, especially when it warps your message, which is a lovely one.
    
    Yes, your poem reads well on the page with regard to rhythm, but read aloud the pattern of 9, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 8, 8, 9, 9, 8, 8, 8, 8 syllables was ungainly.
    
    The last image ("reluctance sitting on the fence") was a let down after the rest of the poem. The mood changed completely, and I felt cheated of the lovely ending it might have been. Of course, perhaps this was the effect you wanted to achieve.
    
    A quick reminder: please, please don't take offence when a young person reads one of your poems, likes it and makes suggestions on how to improve it. I am certainly not trying to find fault with you or your work. I am not choosing to ignore the fact that your poem is a sonnet and so has constraints of structure and rhyme. I am choosing to tell you the ways in which it is not perfect.
    
    And perhaps something that is better as a poem although not quite conforming to a sonnet structure is preferable? Only my opinion. Again, please don't take offence. I am seventeen, I know little about the world, but I have picked up some ideas. One is that adults who can accept criticism are more worthy of respect than those who are overly satisfied with their work.
Cannonsfire
July 16
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This is just freaking amazing and I loved it!!! Love, C
Xqzt
July 16

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Transcendental
Yes! Transformed thru Osmosis to emerge ecstatic thru yr words. The images enhance in fine fusion. Transcendended thru this looking glass to fly in new skies.
. Rewarded 4