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Asphyxiate



I am waiting for someone
to take me through the muddy night,
senseless to breathe on my own

walking the fine line,
loneliness and enough rope,
to just hang there
'til the knot tightens

switch roles with the devil
and take souls for my own

and sometimes I wish
all I had to do
was sleep





In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • birds
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    i liked the last stanza a lot, but didn't care for the rest. not that the rest of it was bad, it just didn't effect me at all.

  • leo2
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    I've been down this road too. Given just enough rope to hang myself and do a bloody good job of it. Best wishes in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    Sigh.. I feel this!! Don't know what else to say other than *sigh* <--- high praise from me! lol

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    Stanza two reads a bit awkwardly, line two into three to be specific.

    Otherwise, excellent.


  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    "senseless to breathe on my own"
    Nothing like being independent, Cannons. I really like this line though...portrays your feelings oh-so-well...

    "loneliness and enough rope
    just to hang there"
    Okay...you definitely remixed a cliche into something much better.

    "switch roles with the devil"
    I've done this already...

    Emotionally powerful and well-written...this was nifty.


  • ennovy silver member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    I have these nights myself, so I write....then I read...then the next day I'm fast asleep at the wrong time....getting old..LOL (just me).......novy


  • Faithbound gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    and sometimes I wish
    all I had to do
    was sleep

    Oh sweetheart do I feel ya. Love this. I have tried to stay away completely, but I just cannot...lol. I did cut way back.


  • fortyninereasons silver member
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    sending good thoughts your way! Juls

  • Thomas Scott gold member
    July 16
    Edit | Reply

    Yes.

    Night will do that sometimes.


  • Salt Therapy
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    wow... you just blew me out of the water. I don't have a chance now. haha

    • Cannonsfire silver member
      July 16
      Edit | Reply
      pfft, lol thanks hun but I write me badly lol just having insomnia issues here right now is all

  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    A softly somber penning my dear, that tells a taut tale of complacency that if left unchecked, will slowly siphon precious life, one drop at a time.


    All the best and
    love and peace always,
    mj.

1 - 12 of 12