even though I really love you, I'm going to smile cos I deserve to
-Leona Lewis
should have been werewolves
under a bed
of sharp teeth
love given in penitence
with a silver bullet
I was razor sharp
you
weak from lack of
sleep or the gravy
to make it taste
sweeter
never noticed when
you shape shifted
from being real
to ghosts who came
took what they wanted
and left under windows
like fingers of cold
in the snap of winter
did I mention
he used his body
with suppleness
supporting hips
letting lips trail
in the wake of an 'O'
my hands followed his curves
to mountains
flattened grass
gasping for that
first stiff breeze
some nights
your ghost feels
almost there
watching
with admiration
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Why does love insist on making me vulnerable to whatever the wind decides to leave? I suppose if there was a market for tumble weeds I'd be a rich man. Your morning fare is making me think..lol.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
-
Not a fan of Leona Lewis.
"should have been werewolves
under a bed of sharp teeth,
love given in penitence
with a silver bullet"
HOW UTTERLY COOL!!!!!!! "under a bed" is amusing...makes me think of childish fears and the silver bullet thing is just groovy and totally works with your werewolf analogy.
"you; weak, from lack of
sleep or the gravy
to make it taste sweeter"
LMAO what the hell? This is so cool and...random (: I'm sure it's cohesive in your poetic brain though
"took what they wanted
and left under windows"
Nice. It's...simply stated, but it leaves with it under the windows!!
"your ghost feels almost there watching with admiration"
Should I be spooked or happy? This is really cool though.
-
I love this
Great form and flow...but the content is what tickled me...anything with a werewolf is my meat and potatoes.
wolf
. Rewarded 4
-
"never noticed when
you shape shifted,
from being so real
to ghosts, who came,
took what they wanted
and left under windows"
Brilliant, sheer and total brilliance is in that stanza. The entire piece flowed really well and your word choice is undeniably well thought out. This made me think all the way through, made me create scenerios and movies in my mind. Thank you for that, all the best.
Rodwen
. Rewarded 8
-
Engaging.
I'm engaged and I'll re-read this, probably several times.
Love " ... letting lips trail in the wake of an O ..."
-
This was a piece tht leaves the reader to make what they want to of it. I like yopur metaphors and the underlying message. I enjoyed it very much. Pen on...
. Rewarded 4
-
Loved the fanciful bit about werewolves and sharp teeth under a bed. Perhaps this is an analogy for bitter memories in the bedroom? This brought me to a deep contemplative place, to reckon a pent-up passion and/or intimacy unfulfilled. The emotion was starkly portrayed in a real light that shown brightly, well done dear.
Love and peace always,
mj.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
