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Cloth of Just Red

seeing her again
lying
in a way
people put children
to sleep

I fisted my mouth,
covered it
stifled
momentary
nonplussed

I wanted tears
but water escaped me
unless thirsty

mother and child,
test tube breeding
so unlike
copulated sperm

in the stain of church windows
red glaze and rimmed eyes

she adopted again
commenting how I was her
when she was smooth and even

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • deercatcher
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for baring soul here, for us. You write beautiful poetry, no denying it; this is ... therapy. You are writing here, for you. If we glean the moment, if our soul vibrates in resonation, all the better. I hate to see fear win...

    She was very insecure in her relationship with you and didn't want to risk the progress your reassurance could have made; prefering not to wrestle with the issues she feared. In the late quiet times, go ahead and tell her how much you loved her, and how great a life she made for you. She will hear...and she has a much clearer view now.

  • leo2
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wasn't sure how the red fit in the picture but in light of your comment I sense a certain reluctant acceptance of the way things are. Good luck in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


    • Cannonsfire silver member
      July 18
      Edit | Reply
      My mother was buried in red, red stained glass windows and me red more with rage that she could leave me when after she died I found out I was adopted and how she had tried to tell me over and over but it never came out right. I wanted her to know it was ok and I was indeed just like her lol...I know its abstract!
  • LadCoberst gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful take! I had to read it many times, and then find my dictionary as english is my second language. But after a couple of takes I found it so wonderfully good! So many astonishing descriptions.. like "in the stain of church windows,
    red glaze and rimmed eyes". WOW!
    Thank you for your entry!
  • Thomas Scott gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply

    And more engaging.

    I'm in and out of this but there is continuity in some of the images and I am floored by the last verse.

    Tom


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    A deeply reflective piece, certainly rich with vivid glimpses of reality that draws the reader in, well done dear, and all the best.


    Love and peace always,
    mj.


  • jadedsnapdragon gold member
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    Very Nice! You did a great job with the prompt here! Warm wishes to you.


  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    "I fisted my mouth,
    covered it, stifled
    momentary nonplussed"
    Well...this is an odd kind of silence, but you describe it oh-so-intriguingly Cannons

    "I wanted tears
    but water escaped me"
    I LOVE THIS. Has a...diabolically kick-ass, tennis-balls-serving, cupcake-yummy AWESOMENESS ABOUT IT.

    "test tube breeding"
    Perhaps a hyphen (-) in between 'test' and 'tube'? Unless...you're a hyphen hater.

    "copulated sperm"
    ...ew. LMAO, but 'copulated' is quite the intellectual word.

    "in the stain of church windows"
    Love this!!!!!

    "she was adopted again"
    Really interesting.

    Good luck...shoot FIRE (:


    • Cannonsfire silver member
      July 16

      Edit | Reply
      Awww Thanks hun, lol was how my mother affected me the day she died, I was adopted but we never saw eye to eye until she got sick.
1 - 9 of 9