He said
Let there be love,
but there was none-
This is the silent season,
this is the tugging of the thinning heart.
The autumn leaves descend, unwilling,
the grass is dry as dry-
The hollow fields will echo back
their loneliness, a brief attack
of space stretched out too far.
The ache waits in the dip of the breast
on dry fall days without a breeze,
when you walk like paper dolls.
This is the sigh that races
rusting cars, without ever leaving
the bony cage, nestled beside your breath.
This is the season of eyes that look
and find themselves alone.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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There are such beautiful, precious images here... This is the sort of writing you don't find often enough... I could quote the whole thing as my favourite bit. Truly stunning.
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You describe the dead autumn scene so beautifully. I am one who thinks that desolate, silent meadows are beautiful. But to have that residing inside you--! I suppose that the emptiness can be beautiful there, too, but ever so lonely.
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Interesting, I liked it
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Beautiful imager, and i love the ending. you avoid wordiness and excess images in favor of content, which is always the best way to go. i love the last two lines too.
-cassidy
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The imagery in this write just blows my mind..... wow.. I think ive read it thro like 4 time now and i still find my self stopping this comment to reread it.. I love this write so much!! thank you soo much for penning this!!!
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Very rich imagery in this piece. You have a very, very solid poem here in my opinion. It not only slips off the touge sweetly, it gives the mind a little bit here and there to think a little deeper about.
INdeed, there are times, seasons if you will, when we look around and find the silence is much thicker than we remember it becuase we are alone and don't really know exactly how we came to be that way or why.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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"The autumn leaves descend, unwilling"--such a beautiful and melancholy description. The rhyme in the middle of the poem (lines 8 and 9) works. Normally, I detest even accidental rhyme in free verse, but this one serves to pick up the pace for just a brief moment, and then the poem goes on, melancholy and forlorn.
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really amazing. i liked it a lot. my favorite line is tugging of the thinning heart. i picture an old man wandering the streets in an autum day. not lost but just walking aimlessly, trying to forget. well, anyhoos...this was written really well. Good Job!! i think i shoud read more of your stuff.
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Jaw dropping
This is the sigh that races
rusting cars, without ever leaving
the bony cage, nestled beside your breath.
That blew me away. I love how there's an entire journey in that one sentence.
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This is the season of eyes that look
and find themselves alone.
Terrific write and I love the way it ends! Great work poet! Keep up the good work!! -
Excellent.
Amazing read. Thank you for writing.
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True, sadly true
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The hollow fields will echo back
their loneliness, a brief attack
of space stretched out too far.
and
when you walk like paper dolls.
This is the sigh that races
rusting cars, without ever leaving
the bony cage, nestled beside your breath.
I could high light more, but well
it'd be the whole poem, very nice work, glad I got the chance to read it!!!!
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*****
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