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To some soldier

You and me,
have no relationship.
I have never seen you in person,
but I love you.
I like how you have the bravery to save my life,
and you don't even know my name.
Your holding on for everyone in our county
and some don't even try to take a moment
to remember those who have fallen.

You work everyday with a broken heart,
for the ones you left and the ones who are kia.
But your heart is still beating.
And for the ones who are injured,
there still holding on,
but barley breathing.

I love you.

 

And for the ones running around,

with open wounds with out a medic,

put your favorite song in your head,

and think of a 15 year old girl,

here praying for you.

 

And for the ones who come back home,

and diside to go back over seas,

your a brave and strong person.

And you desever your pride.

 

And for those who think this is wrothless,

Close out of this window,

turn off your computer,

find a box,

sitck your self in the box.

Close the flips,

and think that this box could be your home if it wasn't for the people who are protecting you.

 

 

Oh and if it wasn't for you guys and girls out there.

I wouldn't be able to make this video. In my AN

Author notes

Heh, Idk i was just bored and had the army on my mind.
Oh and it probably don't make any sence but thats okay.
It dons't matter,
it gets the point across.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRp24Qrirw4

thats the video i made.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Rheea gold member
    September 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I just came across this look who loves this the ones who matter.. me a Marine Vietnam veteran's wife the Marine wife below Iraq I know and love to pieces ..it is so precious to us your real feelings, It is perfect and Beautiful and so very special it made me cry and I do not cry much.Thank you from my heart for this thank you.


  • aeolia
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Like Ptolema said, nothing you wrote seemed personal or powerful at all; it read like the typical American patriotism spewed by the country's masses. I'm sure a lot of people can relate, even though I can't. Yes, you get the point across, but you haven't said anything new in a poetic manner, which is what I sought in the contest.

    They do say to write what you know (not that you have to, cos I don't), but whatever you do, simply telling us what you think and how you feel isn't as effective as using poetic devices like imagery, allusion, and metaphor to convey what you mean.

    "Your holding on for everyone in our county" -- you're; country.

    "You work everyday with a broken heart" -- every day.

    "for the ones you left and the ones who are kia" -- kia?

    "there still holding on
    but barley breathing" -- they're; barely.

    "with out a medic" -- without.

    "and diside to go back over seas" -- decide; overseas.

    "your a brave and strong person" -- you're; also, that should be "people," as you were talking about the "ones" (plural) who come back home.

    "And you desever your pride" -- deserve.

    "And for those who think this is wrothless" -- worthless.

    "Close out of this window" -- perhaps just "close"?

    "sitck your self in the box" -- stick; yourself.

    "Close the flips" -- flaps?


  • sailor ptolema
    July 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Your holding on for everyone in our county ">>>should be 'country'
    unless you are speaking about your local area.

    "I like how you have the bravery to save my life,">>this is rather weak; you can improve this.

    "with open wounds with out a medic,">>should be 'without'. it's 1 word

    "and diside to go back over seas,">>should be 'decide'

    "those who think this is wrothless,">>>should be 'worthless'

    Yea; this is riddled with grammatical errors. I had to stop, it was too much for me. You need to reread this and correct them. I didn't feel any real passion behind these words. I suggest editing.

    I hope you take this with a grain of salt; I'm commenting objectively.

    • AdulteratingDeploy
      July 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Ummm...

      Yeah, thank you for the corrections, its actually nice to have someone trying to help. And I really didn't take any offense to it at all, just the second to the last thing you said kinda got to me, seeing as how I'm only 15 and I'm not going to be perfect, and that was kinda hurtful. But thank you anywho.
      <3Kmart.


  • takemypainaway
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very strong poem is this the one you were talking about?? If so how could you say that its not good this is amazing if only every body saw it like this!!!


  • Soft-Rain gold member
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Kels baby!

    I was here when you wrote this, and read it too me.
    I was deeply touched my heart almost falling to peices but i never told you that cause i have to be strong for you while our guy is away!
    I loved loved loved...this writing!
    Your support is needed and in supporting others you are helping!
    Your heart is showing my tough girl
    I love you,
    Your Ap mom!
    and adopted mom lol
    ~Lisa~
    Great work!!!!!!!!!!!
    Bravo!!!!
    HOOOAH AN ARMY OF ONE

    • AdulteratingDeploy
      July 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Umm.

      I don't know what your talking about, I have to heart.
      lol. jp jp.
      Anywhooo. Thank you for staying strong for me.
      It means a lot to me.
      Love youu


      • Soft-Rain gold member
        July 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        anytime sweety i promised someone i would be with you and even if i had not promised i still would!
        We will make it through it all!
        Together Lisa and Kelso- Army Strong!


  • theburninglegend silver member
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    IDK what to say

    you have touched our hearts, souls and minds, great write as I have said before, we all love and appreciat you all, and God bless you and our country USA


  • ShaShay
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked your poetry very much. Not so thrilled with the video but glad you have the right to make it. You have a good use of words and your write was very easy to understand. Pen on...

  • Still Gonna Shine
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice to see other people supporting our troops


  • Bosiarbooger gold member
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    From your heart to their ears

    It's nice to know people appreciate our soldiers but it's wonderful to hear them take time to write such nice words. Thank you for thanking them


  • Sensuity
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh...you almost made me cry although i should say it was touching, very sad and emotional.Keep up the fantastic writes.


  • jossiemarie
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    really good, and glad to see someone so young thinking about other people, keep up the good work and good luck.
    although i havent yet added you to the finerlist list, i might do yet.
    good luck (((((((((hugs)))))))))))


  • Lady Michaella
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thats a truly touching poem. Very sad and emotional. Thanks for entering and good luck

    -Michaella-


  • theburninglegend silver member
    July 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    THANK YOU KELSEA

    THANK YOU, YOU DESERVE A GOLD TROPHY IF IT WAS A CONTEST POEM, YOU SHOULD HAVE ENTERED MY CONTEST! WELL NEXT TIME I HOPE YOU WILL. AGAIN THANKS AND WE LOVE YOU TOO ALL ACROSS IRAQ HOOOAH AN ARMY OF ONE

1 - 18 of 18