What is that which ties love to pain
Like the warning brought by distant rain?
I’ve known love,
But little pain.
I hear the thunder and see the storm,
But where I stand it’s bright and warm.
Both are needed
For a rose to form.
So before the rain pounds and the winds start to whistle,
I’ll sow seeds of roses and uproot every thistle.
I want to know what you think!! Of the form? What didn't you like? Can you relate?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Your whole poem was talking about the connection between love and pain and how one is needed to feel the other. And in your second and third line, you destroy this whole vision by stating that you have known love, but little pain. To me, that broke connection between the two and the rest of the poem seemed to flop.
I think that your thoughts are well formed but the technique in which they are displayed is a little rocky.
I dont think that the ideas in your poem flowed together with one another and therefore felt a disconnect between what I think you were TRYING to say and what you actually did say.
Criss -
The good comes with the bad, and vice versa. I really liked this. My favourite part was the second stanza, to me that meant a whole lot more than the habitat of a rose.
In terms of the form, the last couplet may be easier on the eye and tongue if each line was split into two. Something like
"So before the rain pounds
and the winds start to whistle,
I’ll sow seeds of roses
and uproot every thistle."
There is a natural break before the conjunction (and), so in a poetical sense this might help the fluency slightly.
Thanks for sharing. I loved the metaphors throughout.
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Excellent Write
I liked it very much...good form, good rhyme scheme...don't know if I would have ended it the way you did...I think I would have kept with the original form and rhyme scheme. The verse was good, but didn't seem to fit with the rest. Overall, I like it. It is vet uplifting and positive...always a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing.
Nevadapoet -
Well Written
The way you opened the poem was great-
"What is that which ties love to pain
Like the warning brought by distant rain?
I’ve known love..."
abd then to end with-
"I’ll sow seeds of roses and uproot every thistle"
short but it's all there, a very clever write.
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BEAUTIFUL
I had to go and see after reading your poem, The Label, just what other types of artistic surprises that you had in you. And , I am soooo glad that I did. This one is grand. Imagery, is superb. I knew you had it in ya!!!! It's truly divine penning.
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER OWN WAY
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awww my friend your work is cut out for you, if you plan to plant many roses and uproot all thistles. They seem to flourish in the darnest places. very nicely done. I like the flow and feelings I got from reading.
thank you for sharing. ;f;f
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short simple and meaningfull.......it dsnt matter if a poet uses heavy words......i reallly don care.......simple poets ca nalso depict deep meaning.....just like this one does......tes pain n love are both hands of a clock......
neatly written and expressed......
loved it and actually enjoyed it -
this was a great write. ok starting with the form. i love the form i think it fits perfectly with the message u are trying to get across, going on. what i liked,,,I’ve known love,
But little pain.
i just love that line. it has so much emotion is those few words. about relating. no i cannot relate. i have loved. i have a heart full of love but the love also came with a great deal of pain that didnt come alone. it came with heartbreak, feelings of hoplessness and pain. so anyways this is a great write i love it!
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