Loved,
not knowing what it is;
wanting hot tones. here. now.
intense desire and
quick comforts in a cold city
over awkward declarations
of remote, secure,
neat-as-a-pin love.
though i now suspect
persistence
will be remembered
long over shortlived
male displays,
and schoolnight highs,
resolute and stubborn,
painfully forgiving
of obvious contempt,
it remains to be seen
what hot match will be struck,
what burned,
when i light my flame;
will he calm and fade
in the relief of hard-come-by
truths
or will I simply have set fire
to all good.
A contest entry
- I Am Lonely In This Cold City (The Contest!) by Girl With Guitar.
675 points, ended July 17, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver to gold pt 8 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended September 27, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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the kung fu panda was actually in relation to the first contest i entered it into-the girl asked me to write 'kung fu panda' in the notes. just forgot to delete it!!havent seen it, is it good? i mean 'nemo' good -good for adults too?
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It's not "nemo" good, but it was good for adults, especially if you're interested in martial arts at all. Very funny!
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Very nice write.... thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
Kung Fu Panda is a movie, don't know if you got that answer or not, but it does seem to fit this.... btw, it's the first theater movie we took my 3yr old to.
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actually not my favourite or best written piece - a rather adhoc contest entry but unfortunately my ONLY silver!
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love this
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"or will I simply have set fire
to all good." I can relate to that 100%!! I do it all the time.
And I can see relations between this and mine. I won't dq.
And the Kung Fu Panda scares me, just something to know people have actually read my poem to follow guidelines
The ideal, in my poem right? "Being "ideal" isn't easy" and/or "To you I'm your idealistic subject," A lot of people have seen being ideal as fitting in with the social norms or peers, and that is totally opposite to what I see ideal as in the situations in my poem. So if it confused you, I'm kind of glad. And the idealistic subject, same deal. Think of it as an ideal victim.
Thank you for the entry!
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This is damned good, especially the final lines. I also love your use of senses throughout... awesome write
♥
whisper
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