Half a century later
it occurs to me
that one of us is mutant,
deficient in some vital gene;
for I ever bleed double-recessive anguish
onto your stiletto words,
whilst you emote dominant satisfaction –
and your deep Pavlovian carvings,
incised into my waking mind’s walls,
are merely dismissive chalk marks
on yours.
Author notes
emote: to show or pretend emotion
Pavlovian: classical psychological training, involving learning and memory; includes fear conditioning
The first contest this was entered in, the judge deleted it from the contest, perhaps accidentally (it was her first contest). So it does not bear that contest listing, but actually has been entered in two. If you want only writes with two or more previous contests that display in the history, please delete this one so that someone else may have a spot to enter.
A contest entry
- Random Contest to Scope out Talent by Randomly Beautiful.
300 points, ended August 25, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: This should've won something by now!! (PIF) by Paloszoo.
525 points, ended September 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Interesting!
This is an incredibly witty poem. I love it. Made me smile. Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you share your work here. Good luck! -
You have been HOOD WINKED by the Poetic Bandits. This is your day in the spotlight ( yesterday was). Hope you enjoyed it. Words can hurt and cut deeper than sticks or stones, even though the verse says not. Can understand this.
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Wow! A powerful piece. Written with such precision..."stiletto words" "deep Pavlovian carvings" Love that one especially!
I will have to read this over and perhaps have more to say. Deep one!
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Oh, this final stanza really hits home! I've seen deep anguish dismissed so easily by my father, as kids and as adults. This is a brilliant write with great metaphors that is also a brave write.
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I believe you to be fearless in your approaches
to themes...
This one is raw and evocative in its tone and
the compact presentation keeps a tight focus
on each and every well-placed image. Blue
PS-"deficient some vital gene" should have a
small word preceding 'some' such as 'of'?
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Ouch! It just goes to show the truth that words are every bit as powerful as stick and stones. The power of life and death is in the tongue and we do well to be mindful and to always administer grace when we speak. I believe that is the vital gene that is missing.
Some wonderful genetic-speak here. I love how you wove together all of the terms into a deeper meaning.
It occurs to me that though my mother's dominant-trait eyes are brown, and my fathers of mixed color, that all of their children are blue eyed as well as all of their grandchildren except one who has mixed colors. This tells me that even though grace (or dominant genes) may not be solely applied on the front end, that God is always able to bring beauty from ashes, and color the world with beautiful blue eyes, despite natural probabilities. His grace, then, gives strength and dominance to those who might normally be recessive.
Wonderful poetry.
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Thank you for your thoughtful reading and insightful comment, ten. I agree entirely. There are wounds that only He can heal, and scars serve as essential reminders. When we cease to remember a thing, we cease to learn from it. I believe it is as desirable to labor abundantly to NOT pass on certain things as it is to labor diligently to perpetuate others.
I also wonder if there are not significant individual differences in how strongly an experience is percieved and remembered. I find spoken and written words can be empowering or crushing. Perhaps others would register such input with lower intensity. Or perhaps the setting or innumerable other factors affect the impact words have upon the mind and heart. In any case, the tongue is a fire...and behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! May we strive to choose and use words that tend to teaching, loving, and lifting.
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I liked this poem very much. Good luck in the contest!
-WhiteAngelCake
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