exude dismay beneath your soul's false exterior
despair can live within total blank indifference
create a dislike in your aura to quash the few
stiletto heels are closer to the hidden truth
crush your life while in a divided isolation
show you fear the consuming lust we chill
a drunken cocky lass will never approach
awesome retro display of lost detachment
Author notes
picture prompt (click to view)
http://allpoetry.com/images/ext/Contest/2413/881.jpg?1216117097
A contest entry
- Anything Goes by silentxparadise93.
600 points, ended September 11, 2008, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"despair can live within total blank indifference ">> I don't really like this.... i think 'indifference' is too syllabic.
"in a divided isolation">>this is awk; i think you should leave out the 'a'
"awesome retro display of lost detachment">>>mmm i feel this is a bit forced; and not the strong ending i think you could make.
I did like this center-aligned; you did well to make it aesthetically appealing, as I am not a fan really of center alignment
thanks for entering and g'luck
~Pt
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thanks
I don't know if it is the moon or what but I don't need people who nitpick things . . I don't see anything wrong with this entry . . it isn't your favorite but is okay . . I withdrew it instead . . lol
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This feels so contrived, like you took some bland poem of yours and used the thesaurus feature on MS Word to replace the original ones with words that sounded "cool" or "educated."
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thanks
this one is not contrived but the photo appears to be . . so much for being cocky . . no thesaurus used . .
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she does look so cocky and sure of herself! excellent poem.
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