Madeline McStrine was never emotionally divine
She was the kind that couldn’t be defined
By day she wandered inside the nightmares she had,
By night, a nocturnal creature without disguise
Under the full moon she felt alive,
Treading on the deceased years of her lost soul’s cry
She sat on her bed,
Letting her blood drain,
Staining her white sheets,
The view becoming scarlet and ivory white,
What a morbid surprise!
The razor blade cut deep,
Into the sensitive skin and flesh,
She no longer embraced
She fainted by the moonlight shining on her,
Through the bedroom window
The night’s eyes viewed the beauty in her demise,
Whilst her heart ceased gradually in beat
The angel sent for her salvation,
Died on the way to girl’s resuscitation
The young lady of only sixteen,
Was caught bloodletting
Every wound beyond an inch long,
Opened up in an eternal song,
Forevermore to be sung,
By the remaining angels,
Too delayed for Madeline’s salvation
Author notes
Cross between Option 2 and 4
zombiefiedmonkeycheese
I partially wrote this about a year ago and the rest recently to enter it into a contest. It's just a piece based around depression and suicide with an aspect of spirituality intertwined within.
A contest entry
- Dark by Luckintheshadows.
525 points, ended July 16, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITTEN POEMS ONLY!! GIVE ME YOUR BEST! by xXxIceQueenxXx.
800 points, ended July 31, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make It Dark by peregrin.
450 points, ended August 10, 2008, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best contest EVER! [i would like to think so anyway haha] by thearmsofsorrow.
475 points, ended August 1, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes That Deserve A trophy by piccola.
600 points, ended August 9, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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funny name; I like the way you used it to introduce her to us. The fact that she was never emotionally devine kind of tells the story by itself
thank you for entering.
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The view becoming scarlet and ivory white, hmm perhaps you want to change scarlet to crimson?
haha sorry just something i was thinking, you can chose to ignore me completley if you would prefer
okay. that aside, great write
I love how you told it from the point of view of a character, if you dont mind me asking, has anything like this happened to you? because you have a really fantastic sense of empathy if it hasnt
i didnt really like the internal rhyme at the start
but i read on and then wow
just
good write
cheers and thanks for the entry
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This is a good dark piece!
Thank you for entering my contest!
Good luck! -
This is a truely beautiful piece of poetry!
Thank you for entering this into my contest! -
What a contrast - when I read the first line with its internal rhyme I thought it was going to be at least semi humorous but of course noting the title I knew I was being daft! This is in fact chilling and more than a little scary. How sad that some resort to this type of behaviour and you depict it so very well. Thought provoking and erudite as ever.
x
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Definitely fits the contest of dark. Suicide and depression usually are the basis behind most dark poems, and you thoroughly expressed both of these with this unique write. My favorite lines was the description of the blood staining the "Ivory white." Such description, wonderfully put.
Silvos.
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What a brilliantly written poem. I love the richness of the imagery you create with your words.
"By day she wandered inside the nightmares she had,
By night, a nocturnal creature without disguise
Under the full moon she felt alive,
Treading on the deceased years of her lost soul’s cry"
^^^Amazing! I literally got gooseflesh reading this. And I can relate to feeling alive under a full moon.
The last stanza of your poem is superb, I love especially the last 3 lines!
Thanks for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck.
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mercyless...
with imagery!
wounds opening up to an eternal song... sang by the angels.... but then it was all too late! ahhhhh... so excellently done.
I love the ideas in this piece. I wish you the best of luck in the contest my dear friend.
blessed be always
Blanche
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