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Wingless Dreams

For years, the phantom dreams of those
who wish for something more
disgrace the very passion
that once fueled their heart.

Searching for some profound saying instead
of letting their dragonfly wishes out.
They rip the feathers off of the wings
of the very things they want to free.

Humanity's own affliction is the
very need to have infinite meaning and
in that journey, we lose what we strive
so much to be.

We want to be heard with our own irreverent voice.

Author notes

Rainbows Have Elbows Of Golden French Frys

Found another name for it

A contest entry

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Comments

  • Asabouros.
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is pretty good. BUT YOU FORGOT A WORD!

    "Irreverent" has to be in there somewhere, man, or I'll have to DQ you!! *cries* I don't wanna do that!!! but I'm sure you'll fix it So anyways...

    I like how it starts, the first stanza really does set the stage for the rest of the poem.

    The first two lines of the second stanza really seem a little forced to me, especially the dragonfly part, I like the idea of these lines, and maybe with a little revision in the wording they'd fit better

    (but if you don't want to change them that's fine too, I am merely the reader, oh, almighty poet-y one )

    The next two lines of the second stanza are great though


    "They rip the feathers off of the wings
    of the very things they want to free."


    powerful stuff there, man.

    (but maybe it'd read better with "They rip the feathers from the wings of the very things they want to free" ? Just a suggestion )


    I don't really like when the title is actually in the poem...but again, it's your choice on whether or not to change anything.
    I also don't like the last line...I think the ending is stronger without it, that's just me though.

    I really like the message of this piece, it's not too complex yet covers the topic well, good job.

    Do you think maybe you could change the background? For such a deep piece of writing, it seems rather plain...and red on white is not my favorite, it reminds me of baseballs

    Well, again, your choice man, no penalties, But Don't Forget About That Word!!!