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Picking at the Bones

Shackled to shambles of singeing sins
the faltering fire ignites my soul

for charred convulsions that shivered your thighs

against calculations of lustful banters.

 

Your pantyhose house with holes for the hen

corrupting the catch who slithered his snake

black, laced, and meaningless in corrosive memoirs

till hanging heights hemmed skirts to tattered flesh.

 

Hope's bar at wrist when barred from the heart

grating emotions eternally eliminated

by pursuit of sensation sparking demands

never was he her, to wistful wives

as shrewd vocals silenced enticing moans.

 

Doting over retrievals of the so-called worth

in worthless balding pigs with jobs

that paid burnt cigar scents to smoke

when weather was raining in slums.

 

Now from bird's eye view whores beckon the hunt

to the whisking wild zoo of men

greedily gathering to stick it

and retreat before the descent.

Author notes

pic prompt:
http://larebulera.deviantart.com/art/Chained-To-Anguish-91795221

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • untitled.
    July 21, 2008

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    Be still, my heart...

    ......

    This is absolutely incredible. What luscious word manipulations and imagery... A slaughterhouse of dirt, and corruption. Absolutely beautiful in it's morbidity. I believe I've fallen in love with this, lol. And written by one so young! Forgive me if I offended you, but I am simply amazed by the dexterity of your writing. You remind me much of myself at your age (I sound like an old person, LOL.) 16 just seems so long ago... But I applaud you!! A magnificent piece written here. You have acquired a new fan, my dear luna. And hopefully, in time, a friend, ^_^. Best of luck, and remember, poetry is about freedom of expression, no matter how you go about it. Ta.

    A whisper in the shadows,

    ~S.


  • penman gold member
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    What a powerful poem you have penned for the contest prompt. Such vivid images you have created. Congratulations on the honorable mention. It was so well deserved.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow intense write hun!! Definitely suits that pic tho!! Good luck!


  • notorious
    July 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aww you didn't post the pic & you're a Gold member--shouldn't you take advantage of that?

    "singeing sins"
    I love that...sins can burn. But they can also be fun.

    "charred convulsions"
    Love this as well...you're not bad with alliteration you know

    "calculations of lustful banters."
    Love 'calculations'...makes love sound like a game!!

    "panty hose"
    Is one word..please fix that (:

    "corrupting the catch who slithered his snake"
    I LOVE THIS--how is this shitty again?! Smells MANGO-Y to me!!

    "meaningless in corrosive memoirs"
    WOW. Good use of the word 'memoirs'.

    "hemmed skirts to tattered scarred flesh"
    Oh wow..nice.
    However..a suggestion. Get rid of 'tattered' or 'scarred'...I think 1 adjective is enough.

    "Hopes bar"
    Should be "Hope's bar" with an apostrophe

    "shrewd vocals silenced enticing moans."
    LMAO...'shrewd' is a great word, and so is 'silenced'.

    "so called"
    HYPHEN!!! Please..

    "birds eye view"
    Birds==>Bird's with an apostrophe please

    "wild zoo of men"
    HAHAHAHA I like...

    Thanks for entering dude & please fix the mistakes (: (:




    • luna-midnight gold member
      July 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      so i fixed mistakes...

      but
      i didnt put the pic. up because i dont like it, and if anyone wants to view all they have to do is click the link.


      • notorious
        July 19, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        LMAO if you didn't like it you could've asked for a new one


        • luna-midnight gold member
          July 19, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          lol..well i dont like making it hard for you guys


          • notorious
            July 19, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            Meh, it's okay. If I can change it like 3 or 4x for Cin, I can do the same for you


  • notorious
    July 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    • luna-midnight gold member
      July 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i'm sorry...i'm having a badday and cant write for the given prompt can you please give me something sad? im sorry for being so finiky

      • notorious
        July 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        You couldn't have asked me earlier?!!!! I actually am having a cow...!! http://larebulera.deviantart.com/art/Chained-To-Anguish-91795221
        I really like the title of this one.

        • luna-midnight gold member
          July 17, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          well you werent on earlier...and before i got myself crushed i was fine with the prompt and liked it...*sniffels*


          • notorious
            July 17, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            You get depressed too much. (:

            • luna-midnight gold member
              July 17, 2008

              Edit | Reply
              hehehe....i get picked on too much, and im too sensitive and yeah something like that
              but if you aks someone up here, they might just tell you im the happiest person they know and they think im on drugs


              • notorious
                July 17, 2008
                Edit | Reply
                So current pic is "sad" enough?


                • luna-midnight gold member
                  July 17, 2008
                  Edit | Reply
                  not sad enough, but i can work with it,lol. i might get mean and go whore bilistic on her though


                  • notorious
                    July 17, 2008
                    Edit | Reply
                    Oh my...LoL, I think the title is more inspiring.

                    • luna-midnight gold member
                      July 17, 2008
                      Edit | Reply
                      the title is more inspiring, tis true.... i dont think im very capable of writitng right now 0.o

                      i might go to sleep
                      when do you want enteries done?
                      ill swing it if you want it now


                      • notorious
                        July 17, 2008
                        Edit | Reply
                        Some fellow nimrods still aren't done, so you have time. Go sleep!!

                        • luna-midnight gold member
                          July 17, 2008
                          Edit | Reply
                          yeah but i wont be on till tommorow morning, and i have work, so gah! he just shot my brain out, i cant write


  • MysticalRayne
    July 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck

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