it is not
the way you cook
(you believe too much in garlic)
and thai owns you like a dog in heat
yet punches holes in my throat
and you gloat
that here
at last
you are
so much more
superior than
me
and saturday
finds you in your
peppermint boxers
shouting at brown people
down in the parking lot
rooting through our precious
trash
you are such an ass
poking my orange fat
with your grocery man hands
scaring cats and cradles
when you laugh
not realizing only
empty bottles
are smiling
back
and i hate
when my music
is never in your
car or how you get
lost in those vegas bars
how you say books are bad
and my poetry
is just so damn sad
(yes
even this one)
and you don’t believe in roses
or walmart shampoo
how you’re suspicious
of me going to the bathroom
because that’s just how
she left
too
you’re a broken clock
right only twice a day
maybe less
if you count the way you
do laundry
and insist you have more style
than my shoes
my dress
and hate walking to pet stores
on a lazy afternoon
because you have better things
to do
on this cartoon-filled
sunday(tuesday-wednesday-thursday-half-of-friday)
a million things i could say
a million things flood the heat slick days
but on this rain-wept night
you sit quiet as a drop
until i come home
and then the door locks
keys on the floor
and you pour
yourself
back into
me
Author notes
...for jeff...the most UNromantic man I've ever met! lol
But dammit, I've never had someone so damn happy to see me when I get home at the end of the day. And that's what love is to me...you love them in SPITE of all the shit they do, because in the end, that's what makes them real. And he's all the real I need.
Plus, he gives GREAT backrubs.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Essence Of Love by vaseline.
510 points, ended August 1, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I still think this was better than mine, but i'm keepin me gold... lol.
Congratulations hon!! -
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LOL...well, you go on and keep that shiny gold, Miz Thang!
For it was very well deserved.
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yeah, what he said haha what i like about this is that it shows every side of love. the part where you can go home and not talk or hug and its just cos its like that, where you dont need to explain everything ya do cos you know the love is there. its not all about your hair standing straight from a kiss and whatnot, its when the other person isnt there and you think of them without realizing it, like breathing. a constant action that doesnt require to be nourished 24/7. it just happens, it just is. besides, i fucking hate drama.
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superb
Absolutely lovely, and absolutely a surprise. I have never read any of your work before, and I am always skeptical when reading from new writers; many new poets (and indeed many very experienced poets) try and write outside the scope of their skill. Some, unfortunately, simply mangle every adjective they come in contact with.
This poem wasn't like that.
As another commenter mentioned, the poetry is -so- often in the details. We don't want to hear 'you make my heart sing' or 'you are my sunshine' again; we want to live someone else's life for a few minutes; vicariously, voyeuristically, we want to be in love by proxy.
This is exactly what your poem gave us; actions, thoughts and quirks that were, above all else, believable and human. This kind of literary honesty and candour is such that it leaves you, the author, highly vulnerable. I think almost all readers are (conciously or otherwise) aware of the congruity of a poem - does it all fit together properly? Does any of it sound fabricated? Is it simply full of rhetoric and conjecture - does it have any real substance, any 'meat' to it?
Any of these failings, or one of many others, can potentially derail a piece completely. This poem has no such failing.
Beautifully subtle metaphors, a capable and willing command of alliteration and assonance, and a strong sense of rhythm [I especially enjoyed the "cartoon-filled
sunday(tuesday-wednesday-thursday-half-of-friday)"]
combine to create a truly compelling, and literate, piece of work.
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...wow...
It's rare that a person's comment is almost as poetic as the piece itself.
But you're was not only delightful, humbling, but truly a work of art.
My deepest thanks for such marvelous words.
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...I see why Jane loves your poetry so much!
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LOL. I am honored that both you and her speak so highly of my poor verses. lol
She's incredible and obviously someone with excellent taste. LOL
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i love reality...it's so much better than fairytales, so much more magical
this was inspiring!
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well... this had an unexpected twist. i was thinking it was a sad poem and in the end... it seems its all worth it to you... and then your comment... good for you. <3
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i am just seriously in love with all the minor details you added to every stanza & how everything just flew off the page so elegantly
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i think that sometimes what we deserve amounts to a lot more than what we really want.
i would've picked the same lines as danny. love this piece. -
this is really sweet...
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Lol...you know, I tried to make this sound epic, but then again, I thought about it and realized...wait...I just CAN'T make it epic cause it's real life! LOL So I guess this was the best I could do.
Thank you for enjoying.
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I hear you, mine too. I loved the stanza about the bathroom. lol. Sometimes, I wonder why we don't think we deserve more, though backrubs are nice...
I love your work, you tell it like it is.
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You must be a spy or something, because this is my entire reltionship
Seriously, it's creepy how much my relationship coincides with this. 
But the poem itself, feckin' amazing. No more to say
Jeanette*~
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lol oh yes he's real, for you paint him with all the foibles of reality and not the perfection of a poet Loved it. Love, C
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how you’re suspicious
of me going to the bathroom
because that’s just how
she left
too
um no wonder he says its so damn sad. this was breathtaking
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