I.
Can't breathe. Can't seem to have a
thought of my own. Can't sleep without
having bittersweet nightmares of what
could've been, what should've been. But
its not the same without having you to
pour my soul to. Life was so simple
when people just assumed we were something
more than f r i e n d s
II.
I hope you know you were my bestfriend.
Tonight I said goodbye but I should have
said more. Thank you for the best time of
my life. As i walked away leaving my past
behind, i heard you call after me that you
couldnt get me off your mind, i whispered
maybe i'm s u p p o s e d to be there...
III.
Perhaps if i was heartless it'd be too
easy to move on. If i was easy i would
have been under someone in a heartbeat.
Maybe if i was a pill-popping chick you'd
show me sympathy. And maybe if i was her
you'd see what was right i/n/f/r/o/n/t of you
IV.
The radio announced that without you i'd
smile less, mope more, laugh rarely, and
miss you always. They offered a pill but
the side-affects included a broken heart,
deceased eye sparkling, a piece of me gone
and crying whenever i saw your face...
The offered a type of surgery that could
erase you from my memory, but if i stopped
t.h.i.n.k.i.n.g about you it would mean
i'd have to live w i t h o u t you.
[[There will never be another you, but
you've made it clear that there
can be m.u.l.t.i.p.l.e.s of me]]
Author notes
Dani.Poo.Luffs.You
-------------
opt. 1
Dani.Poo.Luffs. You
i think i've got roughly..
118poems
Age:16
i love poetry
--------------
A contest entry
- I like variety so I'm giving you lots of options! by the evil angel.
475 points, ended August 27, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - S Titles Contest! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended July 23, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Release Me by sensualbutterfly.
300 points, ended July 28, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DirtyPretty - Prewrites or Fresh by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended July 30, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sew Me a New Heart by Good Mourning Moon.
300 points, ended July 26, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - && I miss you [more than ever] tonight by Kiss the girl--x.
700 points, ended August 8, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥anything and everything.♥ by JustsimplyKatiee..
550 points, ended August 30, 2008, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Searching by crivanea.
300 points, ended August 5, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Is Illness by AbbyxGrace.
700 points, ended August 18, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Breakups by slippingofftheedge.
300 points, ended August 22, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want You I Love you But i can't Have you by Hearts.That.Bleed.
400 points, ended August 22, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ayyy write me something..Anything you want by tearfulgirl420.
300 points, ended August 22, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i'm in a funky state right now....
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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this is great!! good luck in the contest
AbbyxGrace -
interesting set up
it will not win...please read the rules...i wanted poems that hadnt already won a trophy -
So sad! I really like the way you use different ways to write words that are important so they stick out. It intrigues me. I don't like the way you number your stanzas. I don't know exactly why, it just bugs me. You don't have to change that if you don't want to, though. That's just one of my little quirks. Now, then. Some of the line endings are a little wierd and disrupt the flow. You should really plan the best place for the ending of a line better. But I really like your poem in general. It makes me want to see what your other poems are like. Keep writing. :
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nice..not a creative topic..but i like ur style of writing..and some creative way to word ur feelings..nice poem..very emotional..very deep..something that people can always connect to..good luck in this and ur other contest
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Good luck baby.
-
'As i walked away leaving my past
behind, i heard you call after me that you
couldnt get me off your mind, i whispered
maybe i'm s u p p o s e d to be there...'
and...
'[[There will never be another you, but
you've made it clear that there
can be m.u.l.t.i.p.l.e.s of me]]'
I lovelovelove those lines, this is so easy to relate to, and I'm sure thats true for like a million&&one people, so it kinda leaves you breathless, I found myself holding my breath as I read because its so easy to relate to.
This was amazing.
finalisttt
♥
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Wow, this poem was amazing. I can really relate to it too. I loved how you put certain quotes into it, like the one about if you can't get a person off your mind maybe they are supposed to be there. And the way you set this poem up was so creative, I especially liked the end of each stanza. Love hurts when it is not returned, but it's all worth it once you find that special person. I don't know when you wrote this, but I hope things are better now. Again great write, thanks for sharing.
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This is so great.... I feel like I know exactly how you feel.. As I have been through something similar. I'm sorry you hurt so much! You are a wonderful writer. You know how to make it all stick out and get into people. You put it together artisically... I like how you emphasised things.
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WOW....this is excellent. I love the emotion and thought of this poem, your words really speak to me, and I can relate to this on so many levels...
I especially love:
"As i walked away leaving my past
behind, i heard you call after me that you
couldnt get me off your mind, i whispered
maybe i'm s u p p o s e d to be there..."
^^^so absolutely haunting!
And I love your closing stanza - such a fabulous end.
Thanks for sharing this, all the best in the contest,
Luck.
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Oh wow! I loved that!! Wonderfully penned piece! Thank you so much for sharing that with me
-
I can definately relate to this one... and it's easier when you're a kid and go to school and everything is basic black and white, right and wrong, but feelings aren't like that anymore when you grow up and you don't always know where you stand.
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WOW!
I loved it.
You're only 16?
With these kind of emotions my child
Your heart his weighing heavily on you.
YOu did an amazing job with this piece.
Hope your funky stage blows over dear.
And good luck in the contests.
Great job.
-Mandi
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missing one thing in your AN. re-read the rules real quick. No scanning! :
-
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done and done
-
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"Can't sleep without
having bittersweet nightmares"
I can relate to this so much, I wish I couldnt, I think this makes the poem even better to me because of my emotional memories that emerge when reading it
I really like this
Well done
Keep writing
x
-
WoW
this is a really great job.amazing! maybe if you tried to change the style it would be even better...anyway that's just my opinion but there is so much truth and sense in this poem that it kept me waiting for the next word to the end.wow on the poem keep rolling ^^
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"IV.
The radio announced that without you i'd
smile less, mope more, laugh rarely, and
miss you always. They offered a pill but
the side-affects included a broken heart,
deceased eye sparkling, a piece of me gone
and crying whenever i saw your face...
The offered a type of surgery that could
erase you from my memory, but if i stopped
t.h.i.n.k.i.n.g about you it would mean
i'd have to live w i t h o u t you."
My favorite stanza fo sho.
Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
♥
~Princess of Shadows~ -
Sensational!!! I love the style you used, for starters. The topic I am assuming is leaving behind your best friend (but with benefits?). That was my take on it, I am oft wrong my dear. I do love the rythme and the flow of your piece and it held my attention from start to finish. I love the ending it tied it all up with a velvety bow. "There will never be another you, but you've made it clear that there can be m.u.l.t.i.p.l.e.s of me" Outstanding work.
~mandie~
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kinda i did date my best friend...something i'd wanted since i was in like 6th grade...and wow...when it was over...i felt a giant rush of emotions run back at me full force...the same ones i felt in 6th grade...and i havent said goodbye yet...i doubt i ever will lol
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wow
i think i can realate to it...
its really good!!
keep writing, your a natural
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*sad*
Wow... I can tell. If it helps, I know how you feel - except I'm one of the multiples and I live with the girl that's like you - and the guy that used to love her. (It's a complicated situation...) Anyway, I never thought it would be hard, but it is; Oh, so hard. This poem is like her talking... It breaks my heart to think that she's in this much pain (we're close friends now, so it's that much harder...)
You're an incredible poet. This is absolutely beautiful!! ...and heart wrenching
.
Much Love,
JADE RAYNE*
Good luck and hope you win
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wow. This is amazing! I really enjoyed this piece. Its wonderful! I cant think of enough praise for this. The only thing I would correct is capitalizing your "I"s. other than that, I love it You held my attention the whole way though, kept me begging for more, the imagery is amazing, the form is outstanding. I love this piece!
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