A shadow of a phantom
you were,
a dragonfly
in the infinite horizon of the sky.
Appearing seldom,
in life-like dreams…
irreverent to the affliction
you bore upon my heart.
The passion,
twisted my insides
like a hell’s torture device….
disgraced me,
like a feather, dragged softly against a bare back.
Author notes
"Rainbows Have Elbows Of Golden French Frys"
A contest entry
- Word Bank - Flexible Rules (Visit, Ye Who Be The Bravest Hearts And Pancakes) by Asabouros..
700 points, ended July 28, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites! ONLY OPEN FOR AN HOUR. by forbidden-colour.
450 points, ended August 24, 2009, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I LOVED the begining, the begining was just stunning, it drew me in more than any poem ever has, finalist.
Thank you for entering
Sophie
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Dude.
...This is awesome, I really love the set-up and the color of the background with the gray letters, very appealing to the eye!
The first stanza sets the mood for the poem perfectly, the word choice and line breaks are magnificent.
Second stanza is maybe my least favorite, though "Appearing seldom in life-like dreams" is a great line, probably my favorite of the piece.
Third stanza is pretty good, though I don't like how the title is in the poem, it doesn't really matter, no consequences for something so minor. I love how you expanded on the passion in this stanza as well.
and lastly, the final two lines...they are nice, I don't not like them...but I think you maybe could have ended the poem stronger, but then the rest of the poem was rather soft and the delicate ending may suit it.
Pay me no mind, I am indecisive and picky 
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