Although your heart is pure,
And your actions were kind,
There was something about you that made me cringe inside.
Was it your forgettable face,
Or was it your smile?
I don't really know,
Because our love lasted for a while.
I just hope I can figure it out soon.
A contest entry
- Biting on Tinfoil by breedluv.
1350 points, ended July 17, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please be critical and casual... I'm trying to improve my skills.
Comments
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I would like to see you add some reasoning as to why this person was like "biting on tinfoil". You have described the overall problem, but not delved deep into your feelings. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed your poem, I just think you could improve it. Thanks for entering.
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