The demand is present
within shifting eyes,
but it comes out
like a
question.
Persistence is met
with consistency;
un-breaking bones
wear further down.
I melt
within your embrace,
clinging to your skin.
I hope
indifference
is enough.
Author notes
Fifty words or less
compliance
A contest entry
- Quickie PIF by carole21.
850 points, ended July 16, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Went Back...
and read every last one of them in the contest but your's had the best twist and gave the pic a whole other dimension. If I had been the judge you would've gotten gold although they were all good. Your's had bite...unforgettable. -
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Thanks again, I appreciate it.
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Honorable winner?
I'mma see what the winner sounded like cause this is superb as always and it's intriguing when poetry isn't smooth. It ain't always got to flow as long as it vibes... like your style.
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Thank you so much!!!
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I think this is a wonderful write. The emotions really come through. I find that that next to last stanza seems to contrast in mood to the rest though, which was a little confusing. In all the others, I seemed to detect reluctance. But the melting and clinging (both wonderful images) seemed to contradict that. maybe I read this poorly.
anyway, this was nicely done!
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Hmmm, I see what you mean.
Thank you very much for your comment.
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nicely written for the prompt . . thanks for the contest entry . .
Adding your comment:
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