Queen Bee...
Feed me all the honey you have
For tonight I know I will die
I am only here to free your soul..to give it all
Queen Bee...
love me tonight..hold me tight
For tomorrow I won't be here
Your order will go through "burn her heart..I got what I want"
Queen Bee...
Shall we dance..shall we play?
For tonight you will feed me the poisoned honey...the sweet nectar of your soul
you will give me life and then take it all..
Queen Bee...
I bow to your stunning beauty...to your power over me
The honey dripping tells me you are near...
I whisper touch my wings if you dare...
and you are all over me searching for more...
set me free...For the sun is almost here and I must disappear...
The world can't know this love is for real...
Queen Bee...
fly with me I will set you free...
I will feed you the royal jelly...
For tonight is my last night to mate with you...
tonight your stinger will carry the sentence...
my heart will bleed..my honey will turn sour...
Queen Bee...
For just one night let me stay in your arms
our bodies glistening..quivering
please love me with all your heart..kiss me the last kiss
For in the morning they will find me lifeless...
Author notes
My first try ..I think it can be better, but I will post it anyway and wait for feed back from all of you...
A contest entry
- Write about an X its closure time by Shydreamer3.
450 points, ended September 3, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me Your Best! by xCandieKissesx.
450 points, ended August 6, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want...Show me Your Best Poems..I need inspiration..PW's Welcome! by Hetha.
2100 points, ended August 20, 2008, 159 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I really like the repetition of queen bee as you've done it here. Nice use of a poetic device. thanks for the entry
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Wow!
The imagery in this, was killer! I love how you described the poem so beautifully. Simplicity definately took control in this piece! My favourite stanza is:
For tonight you will feed me the poisoned honey...the sweet nectar of your soul
you will give me life and then take it all..
Very powerful! Good luck and great job!
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Ok first and foremost queen b is like my nickname lol long story. second i loved this piece very different and very unique style. you really had me the whole time i think ur a good candidate and thank you for entering. wonderful for a first try dont change a think i loved it.
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hmm it must be a very interesting story ;)
Thank you for the wonderful feed back it meant a lot to me. I am just a beginner and still learning. Thanks again I will change a thing.
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Heart Felt
This is obviously penned with deep inner emotions of the heart and soul reaching out... a painful, but dignified surrendering ! Very touching. Pen on my fellow poet.
Ron *wolf*
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good thought, well executed
The soft rhyme in the last two lines serves well to end the poem. -
Welcome to AllPoetry
I think you have penned a very expressive piece. The passion is evident and it rings of sincerity. There are a few parts that seem just a bit repetitive. Not the "Queen Bee" part thought. That repetition works with the theme of the poem. Just little things like the use of the word "honey" If you could find a way to use another descriptive to indicate the word without repeating the same word as much it would give the poem a stronger impact.
Overall I enjoyed the read though. Keep writing and once more, welcome
Violet
Site Greeter -
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Thank you
Hi,
Thanks for taking the time to review it. I agree with you about the word honey..I changed it in one place..still working on it though..
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Excellent
Your poem moves me. It even reminds me of a litte along the lines of Shakespear yet uniquely different. I do identify with your poem. Very well done.
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