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ana ana

ana ana please tell me why,
ana ana don't make me cry,
ana ana why'd you leave,
ana ana please o please,
ana ana are you going to make me beg,
ana ana i feel as though i should be dead,
ana ana i feel you again
ana ana i knew you wouldn't let me win,
ana ana my knees are shaking when i walk,
ana ana my breaths heavy and it's hard to talk,
ana ana i feel so weak,
ana ana you're still what i seek,
ana ana i missed you so,
ana ana please never go,
ana ana it was two complete weeks of eating,
ana ana the guilt came back,
ana ana i say thank you for that,
ana ana i thought you didn't care,
but ana ana you were always there,
ana ana you know i only trust few,
ana ana you know that few is you.

Author notes

tell me what ya think? i kinda winged it when i wrote it? is there anything i can do to improve it?

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • missedANDforgot
    July 20

    Edit | Reply

    hmm

    well it is a good poem
    but it could be less vague on the subject
    I love the whole "ana ana thing"
    but a great job for winging it!

  • ShatteredSanity
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    It's really good,
    I know excatly how you feel in this.
    It's the sinking feeling 2days after food, that reminds why I'm doing this.

    Anyway, just a little thing, you've got really nice rhyming couplets all the way through, and then there's
    "ana ana it was two complete weeks of eating,"
    just on it's own. seems a little lonely
    Also, I don't think you ned so many lines, your message is crystal clear all the way through and by the end it starts to drag the peom down,
    keep the end few lines, they are REALLY good, but maybe you could snip bits out the middles,
    anyway, i'm rambling now, i guess I'd better shut up.

    loves,
    xxx


    • hidden-in-the-dark
      July 18
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      thanks for the comment
      and the advice it was useful! thanks...if you have any suggestions as to what lines i should take out please feel free to tell me

      • ShatteredSanity
        July 18

        Edit | Reply
        No problem,
        the couplet "ana ana i feel so weak" seems a little forced, as is the "ana ana i missed you so"
        but that's just my thoughts, twisted and strange

        ana<3


        xxx

        • hidden-in-the-dark
          July 19
          Edit | Reply
          thanks for the help..
          i posted a new one "ana ana (updated)
          i took out i think like seven lines or something like that...
          could you tell me if it sounds a little bit better and maybe less forced now?
1 - 5 of 5