Inhale
breathe the smoke into your broken and battered soul
hold the black and let it linger
after a while you’ll realize
it’s not the world
it’s you.
Slowly come to terms
you are doomed to one day suffocate
tangled in your own deceit
a web of foolishness
created by your spiteful mind
a gluttonous spider
wasting away in a self created entanglement.
No one pities the predator.
A contest entry
- hush by zillion.
500 points, ended July 16, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think I was trying to say here?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I liked this
Never get tangled in your own deceits, smashing metaphor, well written
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Thank you!
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I always thought spiders were very inspiring. Maybe I'll make them a contest prompt. Nice metaphor.
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thank you
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It's good to see you writing again, welcome back I liked the metaphor in this and the impact it has on the reader. If you want a full edit, let me know
Just Me
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Thanks for reading. I know it's been a while but I write much more in winter time than in summer and well, it's summer.
Anyway, as always any suggestions you could give would be fantastic!
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I found this by clicking on the "Random" button - my preferred way of finding poems. I find it interesting, but make it a rule never to comment in depth on a poem that is entered in a currently open competition.
Just one hint though - split infinitives may be acceptable aboard the Starship Enterprise - but to many people they still seem clumsy and grate on the ear!
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