Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Tears Of Pearls

She sits all alone

With her heart  bared for all to see,

Unaware of what her future now holds

She holds her ring in her hand

Gazing at it thoughtfully

She squeezes it tightly

As the beloved stone bites into her flesh

She begins to cry

Beautiful tears of pearls

A contest entry

painful memories...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A lovely piece, it gives a vivid scene


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    sweet

    as the pearl teardrop falls we see all the pain washing away, this so well written, cliche' what the heck it works lol good entry, thank you and good luck
    Linda


  • aanika
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful imagery i can picture the woman holding the ring & crying
    the word pearls fit really well.
    i also like "As the beloved stone bites into her flesh"
    good job!


  • AnonymousXO
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry you had to deal with this you really improved it so good job! I like the third to last line. Scratch that. I LOVE the third to last line.
    Anonymousxo

  • Topnotchsy
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like it a lot. Nice job!!

  • Topnotchsy
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. I liked the piece and although the second line is somewhat cliche, it was not surrounded by ither cliche lines, so I felt it fit in pretty well.


  • sassykitty
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really evocative - I can't believe you called it a failure because it most certainly isn't! I liked the way you depict how a particular object can transport use elsewhere in an instant. 'As the beloved stone bites into her flesh' says it all. I can sometimes feel the ghost of a ring I no longer have biting into my finger, it's a weird experience. Perhaps some of the imagery is a tad cliched - heart on her sleeve? this is only an opinion but you may want to think about maybe making it more personal and original. Overall it's a nice write. Again, thanks for sharing, I do enjoy your work.


  • silverscent gold member
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is quite a graphic and touching write. Short but nevertheless powerful. Thanks for entering.


  • Lowell Poe
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The problem with wearing your heart on your sleeve is it starts to get cold.
    It gets rattled when people who want to stab you in the back start shakin your hand....
    Promises to the heart are like novocain,
    it knows when they are not keep ,
    the pain begins.
    This was done with so little wording,
    but most great writing is...
    When something is comin at you,
    and someone says ....look out!
    and you do,
    you are saved,
    if they bothered giving lengthy reasons why you should,
    that when you get hit.
    Great piece lassie.
    Thanks for letting me read your beautiful soul.

    LOWELL


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I actually liked this.
    You Gave it some imagery.
    "As the beloved stone bites into her flesh"
    I liked that line alot .
    I think you did a pretty good job here.
    Good luck in the contest my friend.

    -Mandi

  • AnonymousXO
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ideass take em or leave em...
    -The first two lines have a nice meter I dont know whether or not it was intentional but if you could keep it up throughout that you add a nice effect.
    -You could probably phrase "not knowing what to do" some other way that is more flowy and less vague. And im not a grammar Like maybe..."She know not...(you fill in the blank) or something else. Your call.
    -What if you added a line between "squeezes it tightly" and "begins to cry" which said something to the effect of "Lets it clatter on the barren floor" but the way i said it was a mouthful.
    All in all, I like it a lot =]
    Especially the last line.
    Anonymousxo

1 - 11 of 11