I am fallen f3y.
Years of miscreant ḁbuses
&& tantalizing t.o.r.t.u.r.e.s
have stolen the color from my eyes,
leaving them in shades of mother of pearl.
[[Everything && nothing all at once]]
My hands ||shake||
grasp(ing) for Ằ flood of emṑtions
&& bby I can't bear ṭo underştand.
He is chivalry \\wrapp3d in a b-r-o-k-e-n glass\\
Miracles of m@ss revolt escape from his mind
&& bleed on to virgin pages,
Ṩtealing the innocence
&& replacing it
with riotous visions of l♥ving suicides.
F|r|a|c|t|u|r|e|d prisms reflect in his eyes
&&infuse hues of primary stains
<< into my cranial cavity >>
Murdered Paranoia.
Penchant for b l o o d y absolution.
Medical amnesia to eradicate ᾊ duplicity
of sleepy inertia.
^^ Crucified creativity ^^
&& we bond over it ѦlL
in = parts + masochistic fearlessness
for a future ♥ affair,
a blind leap
to Eternal
R
A
P
T
U
R
E
Author notes
Bean Sidhe
8. Who are you to love me?
In a list
A contest entry
- Everyone's a Critic by dewfall.
800 points, ended October 18, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twisted Love Prompts by letters to no one.
500 points, ended September 14, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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~applauds heartily~
I'm not sure exactly how or why but you seem to be exactly what I've been looking for poetically. I just started a new group to find poets like you... though it is empty, I cannot complain... I will invite you if you have any interest in group interaction...
This piece is powerful and interesting... your words sing shadows and pull from nothingness a bold and vital power; from this you carve your poetry. Malefique...
And i am shocked that I can't critique you. Though I'm not overly comfortable with the slang/text type in your DP -- it is Dirty Pretty, after all... and: to each their own...
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wow this is excellent!
i loved the dirtypretty in it. sometimes DP can be overused but this was used to the perfect extent. very effective.
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i realy see why this won
it was outstanding
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he is chivalry wrapped in a broken glass (!)
i really don't know where to start...
this is simply excellent...right down to the leap into rapture...
i am in awe!...
merry meet and part this samhain
i'm a faerie too...
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this is both subjectively and objectively emo..... i like it but i feel here that the poet is trapped by the need to identify with a culture that isn't doing it any favours... i think you are a good poet...why don't you try telling yourself that?? i like the line "...have stolen the color from my eyes,
leaving them in shades of mother of pearl.
[Everything and nothing all at once]..." but i abhore self pity,i always say that it is the oldest and most effective of curses, and it makes for bad poetry... you are one of those rare and lucky people who could write about absolutely anything and it would be poetry, the subject matter is a question of taste... -
WOW - this is one incredibly amazing trail of vivid imagery and rich word play. At first glance the disjunctured form seemed as though it would distractive but quite the opposite. Excellent execution of spatial arrangement that only serves to enhance the devouring of this wordcraft. I would quote a favorite line but that would the entirity of the work. Right on! Write on!
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Miracles of mass revolt escape from his mind
and bleed on to virgin pages
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This is just brilliant, i really like the imagery here. Its a sad but not forgettful poem.
I liked the style you wrote this in to. It was neat reading it because im so used to reading just left aligned poem or centered.
And its always great to read it that way because it presents a different viewpoint when reading this poem, kind of takes on a different kind of feel to it.
Very well done indeed.
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neat comfort within chaos of emotions
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Thank you for accepting me despite my flaws and little insanities.
This was a wonderful poem with a familiar message behind it, if you keep a watchful eye, you may just find that perfect someone. I believe I have.
"Chivalry wrapped in broken glass" for always.
X.X.X.
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amazing. I can sense your pain.but you made it seem beautiful
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Awesome, awesome mix of words. I love the phrase "chivalry wrapped in broken glass." To me, the poem indicated that there is someone for everyone, however crazy they may be. While people may go through hard times, there are others who can understand them and they can comfort each other.
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Bravo to you! You understood my point precisely & I am tickled pink.
Thanks for reading!
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very nice poem
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Good stuff.
Maybe this is just personal taste but I would prefer more conventional layout, line breaks.
This feels affected while the text is natural.
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okay, taht is frickn' AWEOME. lol. that's so cool.
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"...have stolen the color from my eyes,
leaving them in shades of mother of pearl"
this is a perfect line. i fuckin' hate {see:envy) you now.
;p
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this to me sounded like any man who abuses a woman and pretends that he's actually a nice man, the two then descend into a drama that they have trouble extricating themselves from and soon the drama becomes the most important thing in their life. I don't know if that's what you intended, but that's what I thought of as I read this.
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'the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom' william blake
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