You gave me a seed
Which I planted in my heart.
A flower grew,
Dead in its grotesque beauty;
Lavendar puff on thickest stem.
Gnarled leaves that gradually turned brown
Withered puff of beauty that could not stay
I hurried to stamp out the pest
Amazed
That such a flower
Could emerge from such a tender seed.
A contest entry
- Quicke: Thistle bristle ~ by sailor ptolema.
1300 points, ended July 17, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Good metaphor!
A good way of expressing emotions that is easy to understand.
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Sounds like love gone foul to me
Or maybe just a friendship. A very nice take on the prompt. There were a few things I found distracting. I don't not enjoy capping the first letter of every line. I feel it's unnecessary and weakens the piece a bit. You also use the word "puff" twice. Normally I'd say this wasn't a problem; but the words are too close together in this instance. I think also; that this would be stronger if you eliminated some of the filler words like "the' ; 'a'. Overall; a great take on the prompt.
Thank you for entering my contest and g'luck!
~Pt
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"Dead in its grotesque beauty"
This is strange, but I like it...it's mesmerizing.
"I hurried to stamp out the pest"
I thought 'pest' was 'past' before..guess it's cool both ways
Good luck
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