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his girl

Through the viewfinder, he sees his girl; she flaunts it no point being humble.
His visage trapped for him she twirls, before such lust strong morals crumble.
Love, is a strange animal
It holds you under the surface
It calls your name
As if, it has lost you
In your tears
It lets you drown
The eye blinks burns her into his mind, he wants her himself it is only natural.
He claps for her just being kind, a childish curtsey a quick rebuttal.
Love is a strange animal
It holds you under the surface
It calls your name
As if, it has lost you
In your tears
It lets you drown
From her parents she makes a distance, her cameraman a chevalier
She runs to him to get assistance, He is spellbound cannot help but obey.
Love is a strange animal
It holds you under the surface
It calls your name
As if, it has lost you
In your tears
It lets you drown
For his girl he stains his hands; Crimson red life gone awry.
Twin mortal sins she gives him as demand, so entranced with her will he must comply.
Love is a strange animal
It holds you under the surface
It calls your name
As if, it has lost you
In your tears
It lets you drown
The girl she looks to the funeral pyre, she knows the reaper yes she knows him well.
She sends her man into the fire; she doesn't really want to be an angel.
Love is a strange animal
It holds you under the surface
It calls your name
As if, it has lost you
In your tears
It lets you drown

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • trekkergirl
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This one almost reads as a lyric to me. It works tho. I like it. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest. It is a good write.


    • Oresama
      November 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thats cause it is hehehe its about my filthy whore of an ex girlfriend (i only say whore because i know for a fact that a friend of mine paid her $50 for sex) dont ask you dont want to know but lol thanks again


  • chilali
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great job. I really enjoyed reading this. I like the repetition. It made this poem stronger and I love some of the words you've used. Great flow and imagery. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. However, you need to mention the Option number that you have chosen as well as the contest key in your AN.


  • upperworld06
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome but i dont see what it has to do with vamps and werewolves. good job tho


    • Oresama
      November 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      idk it had a kind of bloodlust feel to it so i figured it might fall suit but w/e


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You did a fabulous job!!


  • UhmmCourtney
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This one really moved. Very good write.

    Courtney


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well written.
    best wishes in the contests this is entered in


    Passions


  • char-char
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i think this is a really well written poem by a very talented writer
    i hope you will continue to write poems as good as this one
    i have also read some of your other poems that you have written and i completely loved them all.
    i hope that if i ever have a contest that you among others will enter.


  • SignifyingNothing
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I actually like the repetition in this, it seemed to work with the theme of the poem rather than against it. This is pretty long, and I think it might benefit from being broken up into stanzas rather than all together. There are some great images in here though. I did enjoy it, and thank you for entering my contest!


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Okay... Firstly, you were WAY over the 20-line limit, and there was nothing spectacular enough to merit going over by as much as you did. The first few lines had potential, but you just lost me somewhere shortly thereafter. A lot ofit is just an awkward jumble of thoughts that doesn't really make sense when all lumped together. Sorting them out would greatly help your cause.

    Thanks for entering.


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great i liked the way this kinda told a little story i loved this alot. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • after-silence
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Strong poem. I like the effective use of repetition, and the imagery adds so much meaning. Thanks for entering my contest!

1 - 14 of 14