Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

The End of the World, the Same Old Hell

Born under a black sun and a crimson blood red moon. People on their knees curse the sky. Shoving their fists in the air, they scream out why?

Wondering why the security they were promised was all just a lie. Even the holiest of holy get cut down and die. While the ones they leave behind pray to ascend up high.

To their names blasphemized, the gods turned a blind eye. From the innocent faces that wail and cry. All are jaded by the nothingness inside.

Leaving them cold to the fact that they all deserve to die. So they do what comes natural to mindless fools stuck in a state of panic. They rob, rape, and pillage the meek, in desperation their mania wreaks. 

Author notes

Some edits performed By EA

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • WithoutWings
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering my contest. I like the ideas, and the message of this piece, but for me the execution of them could be a little bit better. Overall good though, and good luck in the contest.

  • know one
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice use on internal rhyme,thanks for entering.

  • ea silver member
    July 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Yes, it's much more coherent and readable now. I like what you've done with it! Good going - All the best.


    • Dark passenger
      July 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I happen to think that what you wrote here was excellent, and with your permission I would like to incorporate a few of the changes you made in to this piece. Please let me know.

      Alex


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent! I really enjoyed your write, I love the questions you ask...and you speak of society with great wisdom really, your last stanza speaks nothing but a turth that sadly, the majority of our race seem to indulge in....
    Thanks for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,

    Luck.

1 - 5 of 5