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Darkwell

Dark

the heart
like most in a life
f
a
l
l
s
from its height

cascading emotions
like the tide)))___
sin
      k
and
( ( S W E L L ) )
this dark well

foreboding releases
in tensions and creases
s    a    t    r    d
  h    t    e    e
thoughts s c  a  t    ter  e  d
in pi ec e s

♥love♥
PsEhRaVdAoDwEsS
sparks the cold heart
satiates hunger's spell
((FILLS)) the dark well

Author notes

Darkwell Liz

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 33 of 33
  • Oh I'm going to have a difficult time judging this contest, especially when I run across writes like this that have to go to the finalist list. You did an awesome job on this, and I am definitely inspired. Thank you so much.

  • Great job! Best of luck


  • emoempess
    April 29
    Edit | Reply
    al i can say is wow

  • wow
    I liked the style
    of this poem and
    it's dark very dark


  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    Title- 3/5
    Creativity- 3/5
    Use of metaphors, imagery, etc.- 6/10
    Overall package- 3/5

    Total= 15/25

    This was nicely done, but the
    punctuation near the end was
    hard to understand, and could
    be without.

    More emotion and imagery could
    have been portrayed, but
    needless to say this was
    a good piece

    thanks for entering

  • daaamn, i'm not one for dirty pretty, but this is really good


  • Kathleen a Nazarene
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!

    Your Dark Pretty leaves my Light Pretty/dark pretty in the wake! !!! You are just such a talented & intelligent young lass I can barely stand it! You should surely keep entering this in Contests cause I think it deserves a GOLD!


  • SchizoChic
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job! Best of luck.


  • Master Anarchy
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well Sinto Thee Dark

    The visual element of modern poetry allowed for, I critique (and admit that here it is used well, to good effect, to illuminate the darker reaches of a mind that might forget).

    For a start, the “cascading” justifies the “falls” of the first stanza, and the juxtaposition of “sin” in the “sin//k” sparks the critical faculty in man ( not to be gender specific, as the last stanza might suggest one should be; but that presently).

    I thought

    s a t r d
    h t e e

    might well have been rendered as

    s a t y r d
    h a t e e,

    if only to elucidate one line of reading over others, adding “a why”(*groans at allusional pun*) to the endeavour, especially given the explicative nature of the “scattered in pieces” couplet subsequent thereto.
    *****************
    Can’t say the “pervades//shadows” mix up were what I might best have wanted to see – it more than anything momentarily lost me, and more by way of discombulating a train of thought up into which I had been caught than hastening, but not speeding, me down the track. But I offer no alternative, except to say that might not “dark” have been raised up as well as “fill”, so as emphasise both implications of “well”? Let alone “darkwell”. Which, in that dark light, might have at least a threesome of ideas associate?
    ********
    Overall, great, as a piece of its type, one of the first stripe. I shall place it among the finalists.

    MA.


  • Genesis
    August 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed how this was written. Good job and keep it up.
    --Genesis.


  • BrokenDawn
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The format and the words are so perfectly used that even though you only used a small number of words it is overflowing with meaning. Thanks for entering!
    Bravo and Good Luck!
    ~dawn♥


  • Polaja Greeters member
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like that you have expressed so much in so few words here. Thank you for entering this contest just a note to ask you to check that you have followed the rules - I wish you the best of luck when it comes to judging!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • PoetryDove
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lizz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    nice write, twin

    I love the style. There's no doubt about that. I don't think I could pen something like this, at all.... Well, maybe someday.
    Someday I'll have a muse like you

    My fav part is...
    "foreboding releases
    in tensions and creases
    s a t r d
    h t e e
    thoughts s c a t ter e d
    in pi ec e s"

    mind blowing.
    thanks for entering.

    podo ~
    p.s. sorry it took me forver to comment -_-


  • peregrin
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like it!
    I like the flow,
    and they way it is written!
    Good luck in the contests!


  • SaviDropKick.Oi.
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good job sis,
    good luck!!


  • maralisa silver member
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a wonderful poem very deep and powerful emotions congratulations on your shinys thank you for sharing your poem with the group


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very well done in form and in penning. i wish you the best of luck in this contest that we both have entered. thank you for sharing and congratulations on the bronze trophy that you have already earned with this wonderful write. viyanna rosemarie


  • The.Tango.Emily
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great write.
    Welcome to the finalists list!


  • PerfectImperfection
    July 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have not read much of this style, dirty pretty? Though I enjoy it when done well... And this is definitely that. A great attention to detail in the flow and how the emotion is conveyed.

    "foreboding releases
    in tensions and creases
    s a t r d
    h t e e
    thoughts s c a t ter e d
    in pi ec e s"

    I really enjoyed those lines especially. Great write!!!


  • z etoile
    July 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very dark I liked this and congradualtions on the bronze medal!


  • samm
    July 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very nice self intro. lol :]


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic!!! This is truly brilliant, without a doubt the best "Dirty Pretty" I've ever seen I absolutely loved this:
    "love
    PsEhRaVdAoDwEsS
    sparks the cold heart
    satiates hungers spell
    FILLS the dark well"
    LOL..not shy to admit that it took me a while to figure it out....lol and yes, your
    "s a t r d
    h t e e
    thoughts s c a t ter e d
    in pi ec e s"
    is TRULY inspired!!!

    Thanks for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest


    Luck.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ooooh, I really liked this ! You did very well with DP in this. Beautiful. I especially loved

    -foreboding releases
    in tensions and creases
    s a t r d
    h t e e
    thoughts s c a t ter e d
    in pi ec e s

    Amazinggg. Are scattered & pieces supposed to look like that? Because as I was reading this, it does kind of make sense that way. You did a great job with DP. Thanks for entering & I wish you the best of luck ! ♥

    • Darkwell
      July 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      mhmmm i couldnt find a better way to make it scattered or pieces cept to space the letters an scatter em an make pieces of the word pieces

      thx


  • Strawberry Wolf
    July 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love it! i wish i could write like that! great work! :]


  • TechnicolorDreams
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! this poem has a unique quality to it, and its dripping with emotion. Its dark,well written, and good luck in the contest!


  • InRegardsToMyself
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Jesus!!!!

    i LOVED it!

    "foreboding releases
    in tensions and creases
    s a t r d
    h t e e
    thoughts s c a t ter e d"
    Those were the best lines out of the whole thing without a doubt!
    Really great write...the best i've read so far today!
    Great Job!!!

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