You said I wasn't worth the air I breathe
You said being crippled made my father leave
You said I could not do anything right
The things you said made me give up in life
I fail so much I'm afraid to succeed
Your love you kept from me til I would plead
Wrongly punished always shut in my room
The safest place I had outside the womb
The names that you called me I cannot forget
I'm always afraid of those I upset
I attempt new things then get scared and quit
Hating myself is hard to admit
You can't hurt me now you are frail and old
Your health is getting worse so I've been told
Your heart needs to know you're loved and forgiven
Now the healing in my heart can begin
A contest entry
- A Prewrite Contest for `Two Prime Groups` by The.poet.of.hearts.
1010 points, ended July 24, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything && Everything. by Antebellum.
600 points, ended July 20, 177 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites. by Antebellum.
400 points, ended November 14, 201 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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hmm. I've commented this already, but..this is something that I think many people can relate to.
thanks for entering.
good luck -
54 for Write
17 for title
Great Write.
nicely penned, wish you luck
anyway
thanks for entering
Out of 100 You have Achieved 71
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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I fail so much I'm afraid to succeed
Your love you kept from me til I would plead
this is so sad.
but i love the rhyme.
very heartfelt.
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Hi Anya !!
A powerful poem , that deeply touches the heart .
Thank you for sharing !!
Best wishes & hugs , Friend Easy
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the emotional message in this is almost enough to make me cry this is brilliant
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Very true in the process of phasing out the pain. You embraced this write and le everyone know how well you connect the reader to your thoughts. Well Done
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this is really a poerful message about forgiveness and the way that forgiveness can heal in both directions, bravo
I fail so much I'm afraid to succeed
that line just blows me away, thats like a power quote all by itself -
Oh, this is a stunning and touching piece. Beautifully tragic yet so full of hope.
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Ooh, I like this, I can relate to it a lot. I love the strength that flows through it, it's inspiring and powerful...
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I can relate to this. My mother and I didn't have a good relationship when I was growing up. I got called everything under the sun. The last stanza also reflects ous relationship now though my mother is by no means frail. We love each other and I have healed somewhat.
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Very nice
I love the Title. Anya your such a amazing writer.
Love
LDG
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Dang.
Being a kid is as hard being a parent. This is a helpful write. Thanks. -
Emotional write, can feel your emotions in this one. Very well written.
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tahts nicely written
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I look at poetry as therapy for the writer...
it looks like you may view it like that as well
its hard to rehash old memories..and it brings back so much emotion..you were able to harness it all and piece it together..great job
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waw
very deep and so meaningful. sorry to hear such pain in your words.
Scarlet
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im very touched and sorry for your pain
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Awesome Writing
Wow Anya!! whata very deep poem with a heavy message in the end, I really enjoyed it..especially the ending
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a wonderful write dear poetess
thank you for adding me to your favorites.
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well written
that was so well written, and you had to have experienced that , if you didnt then that was
brillant write, thank you for sharing
keep up the good work
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Iloved the begining. anyone can relate to it.
and i love that you ended it with time passing before forgiving.without actualy saying that times passed.
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Forgiven not Forgotten .............oh what can i say its raelly a Good poem. good rhyming work also.
Gleen loves poems only with rhyme and sense.
keep it up.
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good poem
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this poem is very good! wow
i like how you ended it ....its true!
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excellent
it is the forgiving which heals so very true
light and love
Robert
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wonderful write sometimes it helps to write your pain good job again wonderful write
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when painful moments comes into our life,
sometimes the best thing to do is just let it pass by,
people who have learned to forgive,
doesn't always mean they forget,
but one thing's for sure,
we all have our sob parts in life,
and life goes on, don't get stuck with it.
And I'm happy that you let your heart's healing begin...
--lovelots--
lovelyn
great poem..
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Powerful poem...well done!
No one deserves a life like this. I hope that love light shines on you and heals you, don't waste yer life on bitterness.
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how can you say something like that of your family.
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Amazing. I have been in the exact place many of times and you just feel like you cant do anything right. you just wanna give up.
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there is so much feeling in this, I have to credit you with jaw dropping, that puts that tadge with sadness in our hearts. Wow, I am overwhelmed.
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WOW!!!
Well blow my socks off, I am really impressed with this piece of powerful poetry at its best! My, you have come a long way, and have bloomed into quite the Poet I see. This poem has everything I look for in a poem, just simply exquisite. Then it is the forgiveness that you found in your heart... not only grown as a poet, but as a person too :) I'm so happy for you. And I'm also so happy to have rediscovered your poetry.
All the best to you!
Ron *wolf*
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Reminds me a lot of my ex-girlfriend. To say she had a shitty childhood would be a grotesque understatement. Except in her case all she's ever wanted to do is to please her physically and emotionally abusive family. They're not even worth the time of day, but go figure. And she may never be able to forgive other people who have wronged her far worse than they ever did. I really like the Room - Womb lines. Reminds me of the Beach Boys song. I don't know if I would've been able to come full circle like you did but you're right. We don't forgive people for their benefit. We do it for ourselves. Bravo
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wow. this is amazing. i mean, of course the emotion is so painful. but the way you put it in words is just sheer perfection. very well done! i loved it (:
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Wounds becoming scars
Scars fading and life begins.
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POWRFUL
Forgiveness is the start to personal healing for alot of people. This poem shows so much pain, but in the end it only makes you stronger. And so much strength and courage is shown in this write. Thank you for sharing I really enjoyed it!!
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Wow.
Very strong message here. I sense a lot of anger in this one. Fine work, sis.
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This is great Anya.
You really show that you're finally okay.
That without him, you can do it, even in fear.
And you forgiving him is a very good ending.
Even if his is grim.
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wow!
this poem is amazazing anya. i really liked it and it is so full of emotion. im really glad u got past ur writers block and u wrote such a beautiful poem.
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Hello Anya
I read all the comments on this one - and I have to agree with them all - very good write my dear - a strong ending - I like it - Bless God =- Joe - (Dobar Dan) ----------------------------------------------------hagd
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Faith in your abilities now restored.
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Sis well you already know my opinion on this its a beautiful write and im glad you finally got past your block its so full of emotion it made me cry im glad you can finally begin to heal from this youll always have the scars but you will heal like i said great write
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this made me 
especially the last part was so beautiful about how you rose above it all WOW
this line
I fail so much I'm afraid to succeed
that stopped me to think and stands alone as a triumph in quotes
Just, WOW
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Very emotional write, I really enjoyed it! Nice job! And I love the ending, where you forgive and start healing...
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a peak into your heart, it takes a bigger person to forgive those that have wronged them, often we'll talk about forgiveness and those being forgiven, but there are still those scars that are lived with everyday henceforth, and there is no easy solution to that, nor a quick apology to cure what's bleeding beneath our skin. A dive into humanity with a very personal feel to it
i actually liked the ending, where it suddenly ended, with no end rhyme, like a thought cut off mid ponder.
there's nothing to critique here my dear, seeing as this is all about personal thought, i;m glad your block is gone
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Brave words!
It takes a big heart to forgive...even bigger to love.
God Bless you sweet lady!
Regards for a courageous write!
Jennifer
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o.o
Oh wow, anya-san. This gave me goosebumps, and it's not often that a poem does that for me. I could feel the emotion here, and I know it must have been hard to write this. It's so sad, but the ending was amazing and tied it up very well.
There are only a few revisions I would suggest, since you asked for a real comment and not just "cush opinions". :]
"The names that you called me I cannot forget
To this day I am afraid of those I upset
I attempt new things then get scared and quit
Hating myself is hard to admit"
I would consider replacing "I am" in the second line with "I'm". I think the stanza would flow better with the contraction.
"You can't hurt me now you are frail and old
Your health is getting worse so I've been told"
I'd put a comma after worse, just because "so I've been told" almost sounds like an afterthought, and I think it would look better separated from the main sentence.
Other than these small revisions, Anya-san, this was amazing. You're a great poet. :]
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YES...keep posting poems. So many well written lines in this piece, and it is truly from the heart;
"Your love you kept from me til I would plead
Wrongly punished always shut in my room
The safest place I had outside the womb"
Wow...sometimes we all can relate that our room's are the only haven we have. This was your best written rhyme easily.
"Your heart needs to know you're loved and forgiven
Now the healing in my heart can begin"
Hopefully the same can happen to me...I have forgiven her...but she hasn't forgiven herself...I hope she does soon because I miss her dearly.
The structure is a simple sonnet, AABB scheme. I think the words you chose came out nicely, keep going! -
this is so good...its so powerful...and the one line that sticks out to me the most is "i fail so much i'm afraid to succeed". ive felt that so many times. i love this poem because it's got a bit of "in your face" at the end...what goes around comes around. very painful and emotional, and it flows very nicely...great job!!
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ooh
this was such a painful write! this hurt so bad!
your flow was incredible and your words made me wanna cry! but your last line was strong and powerful! a well put piece! keep penning, and smile always!
AWESOME!
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