I am not supposed to feel this way...
Physically, you are hardly ever around anymore
mentally, always a train railroading over my mind.
But since the first glimpse of that penetrating glance
that first engulfing smile, melting the hardest area of me.
Electrocuting this bed of sand into a glistening shard of glass
able to see right through my transparent facade.
Throughout the complex of my soul
that complex Freud couldn't even dissect.
The
whirlwind
of
outcomes
and
situations
I
can't
choose
between
them all.
Maybe I'll allow fate to step in...
Unable to conquer the distance betwixt these beating muscles
too much separates the heart of the matter
but my gray matter will not let go.
Too easy to let adrift
the feelings.
More difficult to act
and affect.
Forever lost in a perpetual orbit of your sun
distorting the images sent from my satellite.
Giving me blessed silence, with no trade up value.
Just pick up the pieces
left of this
disorganized
chaos
and create a masterpiece
only if you want to.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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HOODWINK!!
YAY for wonderful mind train thoughts and your profoundly fine poem is filled with drama and talent.
Loved visiting you! 
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Hood Winked!
"Electrocuting this bed of sand into a glistening shard of glass,
Able to see right through my transparent facade,"
Wow those lines are so..powerful, your metaphors are just beautiful so shocking and stunning. overall I think you could improve your flow by doing:- Not capping every line, every other line.
- Don't put a comma on the end of every line, just read it aloud and when you stop for a pause of breath put a comma.
- Don't put a Capital after a comma, it disturbs the flow :)
hope I helped. *love*
~
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~ kitty xxx
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Hood Wink!
This is a wonderful poem; clearly from the heart this reaches beyond the screen and touches the mind of the reader
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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Hood-Winked!
I really like the theme of this poem
... there were a few things that I thought could be edited, for example you don't need a capital letter after a comma, it interferes with the flow of your words (which otherwise in this poem was amazing, and I really liked the way that you experimented with the formatting 
) ... but those things are just style ... all in all this is a good poem and I'm glad that I got to read it.
Keep writing
Polly
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You must have sparked something in me with editing comment. I redid every one of my works with less capitalization and commas. And also used periods. Took awhile I but I agree esthetically they look better. Thanks for the motivation!
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Hey you posted quite a few poems today - been writing a bit lately. Good for you. Liked the creative use of space in these lines; the sentiments expressed and the flow of this poem.
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