Beneath the concealment of a shattered matrimony,
a lovers brutal spat drives home a sharp blade, but might
a fair girl deserve that, like who could blame her for
being afraid, as pathetic sweet deals are never made,
promises laid out long ago under a tree does so persuade
Now a chilly breeze blowing down from the hills, must
give a girl violated a bad lump in the throat, or winter blues
to thrill her goose bumps. As the morning breaks, falling
dew freezes her sensitive mind, a lovers kindness she then
embraces, by a lake she waits to be taken, there he woos
her like a lover should, by the hand he leads her into
the woods, where he lays her down on the soft ground
and mounts her while blissful birds sing all around
Her euphoria raves out into the distance, as he lowers his
manhood into her burning fire of desire. Cum say her sly lover,
and so there he leaves her, on the ground looking like a
ravished slut. Some say when he treats her like smut, she
cannot keep her legs shut. Oh in winter blues, how sweet
her buckaroo, it leaves a chill in her thrill
Everything is dark down by the park, under the cover of a
cold darkness she will be fucked again, over a park bench she
will so spread her love. Up against a tree, on the ground,
ravished over and over again. Cold winter winds chill her butt
where she lays, it happens to her every night. She can’t keep
sweet, she can’t sleep, it does her head in deep. Cheap fucking
thrills over her chills. Till the fire dies, she screams out of spite
Till his desire fades away, she will be seen as anybody’s slut,
that’s so to her an effortless sacrifice, sending her crazy mind
twirlingly wild, but it leaves a fucking chill in her thrill
Over the horizon, a winters wind bares down as a young girl
is charmed by love, over lavish lands she spreads her love,
savage sands blowing in the wind. Under these devilish conditions
her lover will feed from her breast, there a test of sorts he
requests, but it leaves a fucking chill in her thrill
She does her best to impress her lovers licentious obsessions,
So smitten by his polished desire for her, she will give herself to
him as it rocks her world and keeps out the cold. Unbridled passions,
trust she hopes for disgruntled, unrivalled temptations, never is it
ever told, twice at best she wears a blindfold, so the evil doings
she can pretend far away, in this way she does so adjust
Down and down she goes, blowjobs performed in disgust, her
bloody shame. Spider spider on her toe, must she boost her lust
this way. Watching pornographic movies does her no justice,
it just fucks up her trust in men, kissing the wind of trust again.
Oh fuck no, it leaves a fucking chill in her thrill
Many lovers she takes, deadly snakes she shakes, blue light discos
a major mistake. Cruising gang bangers find her there and drag her
to the lake, one by one they then go through her until daybreak,
leaving her looking like a ravished slut. Oh fuck she’s got some guts,
but still her crying shame deserves no handshake, as upon herself
she’s brought on the heartache. So when it’s time to leave, she does
not hate, when it’s time to forgive, she waits for the right moment,
there a raging circle of fire overpowers her desire yet again, forcing
her rat shit past into open waters, it’s this that will plague her mind
Mistake or not, she finds in many lovers her ease of mind, a steadiness
to keep her from harm, but it’s only with one she seeks to be charmed,
ravished and violated once again, and so that’s how her luck goes,
blowjobs with the lot, fuck holes stretched on the spot, she can’t
even squat without losing the plot. So hot she’s got, if only she knew
he saw her as nothing but a slut. Oh fuck that sucks. As some may say,
when he treats her like smut, she cannot keep her fucking legs shut.
Oh in winter blues, how sweet her buckaroo, it leaves a chill in her
thrill, a fucking chill in her thrill, and so there her passsion is killed
Author notes
In my younger days I used to hang around with a street gang, this write was inspired by a girl I only knew as the gang mole. The poem is based on what really happened to that girl, and I couldn't help her as that would have been disastrous for both of us. Anyone who has ever been in a gang like that knows what I'm on about.
"Heaven's not a place that you go when you die, it's the moment in life when you actually feel alive" ( Unknown )
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel It : 3 Option Contest! by BeautifulDisaster9.
875 points, ended September 21, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [[.Courtesy of a Raven's Blood.]] by Soten-Jaganshi.
1600 points, ended October 17, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended November 22, 2008, 55 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hurt...Inside an abused victim's heart... by voodoo ink.
850 points, ended March 31, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please let me know what your thoughts are on this poem
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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once upon a time... there was all the love in the world.
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I think it is odd that when a girl has alot of sex she is a slut, but if it is a guy, than he is a stud...rules of society are twisted...this was a really good write, poet, loved the flow of it and the rhythm was smooth...thanks for sharing this with us...
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love the title
This is quite an amazing write. I can see this girl, can almost feel her perplexity. You have really written something quite fantastic here. I did have a problem with one line,
Smitten
by his polished wonder cock,
For some reason this line made me giggle, it just doesn't seem to fit with the tone and attitude in the rest of the write. However, I can offer no other suggestion for replacing it. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Deep, deep.
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This is one of the most emotive pieces of work that I have ever read, it is a very raw piece, its hard to find words to do it justice a ctually I am stunned, really really excellent work thankyou for posting it
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WOW
This was just incredible! I read the entire thing and I loved it! I agree with the last comment as well! I nominate this for gold!
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4623789
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Wow
Beautiful, brutal, real, everything an amazing poem needs, great writing in general, I agree with the last comment, I nominate for gold
link http://allpoetry.com/poem/4638759
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Descritpive as hell and in "As Dark as it Gets" I cast my nomination for gold. I've never been apart of a gang, but a family member was, she was shot because a friend of hers was fooling around with a supposedly unloaded gun. It probably isn't similar in most cases aside from the gang part, but still.
A great write, thank you.
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wow
nice write
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Speechless.... wow!
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What's the word? Impacting? This is a great poem and it really hits hard (in a good way). I also liked the rhythm and you had a lot of incredible internal rhyme. Great write!
-Odyssey
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This is... touching... Great job... I admire that girl for her strength to go through all that stuff... I loved the end...
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excellent
Oh my! what a portryal of being used.abused and labelled.Wow great job.....loved these true sounding lines:
But it’s only with one she seeks to be charmed, ravished and violated
once again. And so that’s how her luck goes, blowjobs with the lot
fuck holes stretched on the spot, she can’t even squat without losing
the plot. So hot she’s got, if only she knew he saw her as nothing but
a slut.
Thanks for sharing.Please visit some of my poetry.I would love to have you comment on them.
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excellent
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excellent
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wow.... im speechless............. O.o
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wow, this was really intresting, cool write and take care
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Interesting opening line - lover's/lovers'? generally effective use of rhyme although some lines could be reorganised? Nice contrast between what's happening and the blissful birds.
Overall this is a highly disturbing write, and I can't honestly say I liked it, the subject matter is not pretty yet.. you've written effectively about what is so very, very sad, tragic almost. I can understand the brutal use of language, it suits the theme, and the use of rhyme like some of the imagery is clever in creating an oppositional mood/meter. I'm glad to say I can't relate to this, but it's good that you've written with such searing honesty to show people like me how some others live their lives.
Thanks for opening my eyes - it'd be interesting to see how you might rework some of this if you feel like it.
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saddly i know what this feels like.
got myself outta that scene.
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