july is an apple
red and swelling
chewing on the necks of people
poking through her core
for something besides
the ripe cyanide
i embrace this month
lick clean its sweating bones
so its ribs will shelter me
from the things crawling inside
september
and though i owe it rent
i am sick and spent it
on cigarettes
so my hands are too busy
to remember the shell
of your cheek
or the squeak
of your hair
black as mother’s day
i pray
you will forgive
my upside down words
how my beans
snap
and still spoil your soup
how clumsy i am
with your milk-soaked skin
your gracious teeth
your walk
your talk
this small echo
within the colossal
cathedral
of your
womb
ten years
it has been
and all i’ve discovered
is the number of men
who still think you could
dance down the moon
and sing up the sun
how the small dipper
formed the bridge of your nose
and the day found
such mercy
in your eyes
in your shoulders
your toes
yet
in another summer
without you
i will send a postcard
to florida
to find you glued to its tip
your arms wet as a trout
chin tilted
to the music
of the sand
and then i will fear
september as just
a table
so fine
it only forgot
how badly fish taste
without the right
wine
Author notes
For my mother. September 30th will be the 10th anniversary of when she left me.
A contest entry
- Fine line between by Rowan.
3500 points, ended July 13, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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mo words
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You precious woman, you...
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Loved the apples and cyanide
This is so heartfelt and unique in a way that you never fail to pull off. She must have been so proud of you
Congratulations on the silver!
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I hadn't realized this was for my contest, when I clicked. And so glad it is.
I wonder if the last stanza is necessary. I liked the ending at sand. But small nit, as usual your talent astounds me, the way you take everyday language, and make
it originally yours. Fascinating and great take on the prompt.
Loved this, seems the rest of the contestants have some stiff competion. Thanks for entering this!
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I can only stand in awe of how powerful this reads and then upon reading your AN's the reason why it hurt me in the gut to read your words. Love, C
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There are some odd lines in here, example:
"yet
in another summer
without you"
- I think this could be worded differently to add more strength to the poem. And this:
"that it only forgot
how badly fish can taste
without the right
wine"
- the "can" can go. I'm not so certain I like the way "that" was used either. What is it with all those "ing" words at the beginning? My eyes bled. That could be tightened I'm sure to make the flow easier. There are so many, but oddly, not throughout the rest of your piece. Like when you started you had a different format in mind. I could be wrong, but that's what it feels like. In general I think the first stanza could be simplified more. It does seem to ramble. Your second and fourth stanza are wonderful.
That's it. You can assume the rest I fell in love with. Which I often do when I read your poetry. Have I said this before? Yes of course but I'm allowed to repeat myself because I'm me.
I have been reading a lot of mother based poetry of late, including mine. This feels very important and personal to you. However, critiques are still important I think no matter the poem.
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Lol...I agree that the 'can' should be taken out, and did. Thank you for the eye.
As for the beginning, it was just my way of describing how even though July sucks, Sept will be even more disgusting to me. It does seem a bit awkward, but sometimes my poetry is like myself...clumsy.
But thank you for the critique. It's true, sentiment shouldn't negate the purpose of poetry and all its intricate details. I'm so glad you enjoyed still and of course that's why I love you...you're James no matter what and you keep me in a straight line.
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LOL. A crooked line maybe. You clumsy little critter you... You are welcome for the comment. I try to read your stuff when I can but sometimes you post so much that I lose track...LOL. And then you have me, who only posts every now and again, but writes heaps off the site, saving shit for my self published book I'll someday get together when I stop procrastinating...LOL. We should do a collab contest after the one I'm running with kenny now is over. I think that would be fun! I can say something stinks and you can say it doesn't...LOL. 
I'm just kidding! I'm glad you love me girl. I'm still your monkey or whatever the hell I was on your page so very long ago...LOL.
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why did you enter this contest, i entered this contest demmit.
but i do know this feeling too well.
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