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reverie





his gaze falls on her dusty frame
and old familiar faces

now scented air comes wafting by
with thoughts of distant places

in dreams of travels far apart
from drudging days or ease

she calls again with memories
of spice and gypsy breeze

the coastal waters of the past
sing stories yet untold

he revels in their melodies
of cinnamon and gold

in dreams of travels far apart
from drudging days or ease

caught up now, his fancy sails
away on gypsy breeze 



Author notes

he looks to the mantle and the old ship's photograph

A contest entry

I love constructive criticism

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • crisstiena
    October 25, 2008

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    Gosh. As an avid anti-fan of end rhyme, I am somewhat taken aback to find myself reading just such a thing, and not even realizing it. Your timing and flow are picture-perfect and nothing is left to chance. I lay my hat down to you here. The poetic world is much with us and sometimes the grace with which the masters wrote and celebrated the difference between prose and poetry gets lost as modern techniques trump the style of yore.

    I love the presentation and the subject matter. You do deserve gold.

    ~ crisstiena ♦


  • Patpowers silver member
    September 28, 2008

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    Brilliant work of rhyme and of structure James! I am amazed as to what I read here. THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING!!!

  • WritingWretch silver member
    August 4, 2008

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    Evocative edit of earlier draft,

    though I think you should make some reference to the butterfly because it added an extra dimension to your poem. The flow is like the gentle beating of butterfly wings caught on the "gypsy breeze". How I conger with that phrase, as well as "memories of spice, melodies of cinnamon and gold.  These are brilliant images and remind me of why you are one of my favorites. Maybe Hued Wings of Reverie or the like for title.

  • celadia
    July 21, 2008
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    Beautiful untrite rhyme a rollicking poem.


  • tara wilson gold member
    July 13, 2008

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    Love this...not very often I enjoy rhymed poems anymore, but this I really like...a very beautiful poem, and I love 'gypsy breeze'....


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    July 13, 2008

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    Thank you for your entry in my contest. A beautiful poem that was a joy to read.

    All the best in the contest...Sue

1 - 7 of 7