As I go through the details in the fabric
And weave through late night traffic
I can hardly concentrate on the shifting colors
As I shift gears, turn corners, and reflect on the tiny spec of humanity
That tries to flatter the already destructive generation
I try to distant myself from at times
You see my car is older than the all the years that I have breathed
A green pick up, Chevy to say the least
It's reliable and it's steady
But just like the friend you always call in a stitch
It can be very unpredictable and hypocritical
The label implides a lifetime warnity but really there's just a temporary situation
Waiting to explode
This old green pick up
Is nothing more that a symbol of a time that no longer exist
Sure it was perfect at the moment
I'm sure the previous owner would agree, as it was in 1973
But just like guns and powder
And treaties that just won't stick
Eventually the problems that we were pleased to erase
Come back to hunt us
Some say they can, "bite us in the arse".
So as I drive into the night of unknown properties
That stretch like polyester fabric
I try to plot my destiny
I try to figure out my future
A revolution is stirring is the process
Detailed, in the fabrics we call life.
Author notes
*Details in the Fabric is also the title on one of Jason Mraz's new songs from his CD We Sing,We Dance,and We Steal things.*
it's whatever you take from this piece...
A contest entry
- I Need Favorites ^___^ by edit my world..
555 points, ended September 3, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fav Me by SomeonesToySoldier.
2625 points, ended October 8, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rant. by broken-colours.
700 points, ended November 22, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any advice would be lovely?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Nice job...
It sings well... moving.
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"But just like guns and powder
And treaties that just won't stick
Eventually the problems that we were pleased to erase
Come back to hunt us"
I like the style of this poem and the pretty flashes of imagery throughout. Clever and enjoyable to read.
Thanks for entering.
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a captivating write. it makes the reader sit back for a moment and think... thank you for sharing your amazing talent. keep writing! God bless you always
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BEAUTIFUL!!!
And I love how you weaved in some Mr. A-Z!
I really liked the last stanza. Highly powerful with an excellent comparison between the night and fabric. Very sweet indeed.
Hey, look at the first line of the second stanza. It says
"You see my car is older than the all the years that I have breathe."
I think you meant to say "You see my car is older than all the years that I have breathed," ?
Marvelous work here!
"They are the details in the fabric,
they are the things that make you panic.
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
They are the things that make you grow.
Hell, no reason, go on and scream!
If you're shocked it's just the fault
of faulty manufacturing."
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Gracias
Jason Mraz is a great inspiration! Plus I am obessed with the song, "Details in the Fabric"...Jason and James Morrison are a perfect match, like peanut butter and jelly
As for the line: it does sound a bit better as 'breathed'. Thank you for point that out
"I feel like you are an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea"
Thanks again
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De nada!
Agreed on the Jelly, young Lady!
And thats got to be the best part of the song!! XD
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beautiful love
loved it
so deep your great
love stve
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Wow You Don't Need Advice
This is a perfect writing of self-expression little sis. You did the thang *Snaps*.
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No advice
I think it was great and I really enjoyed it, great write. -
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Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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ooo chevy lol
well as junior in highschool with no car and a bike with no air...i liked this...this seems like a conversation i'd have with myself while shaving...weird i know. but its what i do. i talk to my self and headbang while i shave. lol
This old green pick up
Is nothing more that a symbol of a time that no longer exist
Sure it was perfect at the moment
I'm sure the previous owner would agree, as it was in 1973
i liked these lines...just because they remind me of my dads iroc...which has the best damn name a car could have
thanks for entering
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Very impressive. It somewhat rambles but in a coherent way. Thats my favorite kind of poetry.
My favorite line was
"Eventually the problems that we were pleased to erase
Come back to hunt us"
I dont know if you meant "haunt us", but I hope not. I was expecting that but the slightly differnt hunt works great. -
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Thanks a lot, most of my poetry consist of some sort of ramble usually on any topic that is on the structure on our were socitey. Of course I still want to keep my point.
But for your suggestion, yes I meant hunt, I can see why haunt would work as well though lol.
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