My early life was a gluttonous feast;
I consumed it all, as a ravenous beast.
There always remained an unfulfilled need
Despite the delicacies on which I’d feed.
Eating anything that suited my taste;
Gorging, snorting, and drooling in haste.
Swilling strong spirits, I began to dine
Deadening my palate with fortified wine.
Heaps of roast beef, marbled with fat
Followed by roast pork, just think of that…
Then gulping a decadent carnal dessert
Perhaps just one more bite, it couldn't hurt
Gut bulging, I staggered from the buffet;
Fellow diners were revolted by my display.
I staggered, a step, falling hard to the floor
A digusting sight to behold and to abhor.
Time has passed, I’ve returned from the dead
After surgical removal of the fat from my head
Now that my body has had time to heal
I seek the contentment of a simpler meal
My needs, the subject of deep contemplation
Are for a new diet tempered by moderation.
I hope to savor real contentment at last,
Nourishing body and soul in a quiet repast.
Author notes
Prompt: Write about something you'd like to discover/experience/hold onto while it's still there, before it fades away and dissapears. Something you'd better start to do now before it's too late.
I want to experience a diet true contentment. I have tasted it and I want more.
A contest entry
- Start now before it's too late! by Cyanide Milkshake.
900 points, ended July 29, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Gorgeous.
I saw very clearly the metaphor of a table overburdened with disgustingly fatty foods with you just gorging yourself and passing out from gluttony, lol.
Ya put me right off my sandwich
This is a very engaging poem. I found myself there, watching in horror, and then feeling your self-redemption at the end. There's time for everyone to turn it around if they want to. I enjoy self-indulgence but yes, gluttony is the fall of many and your message speaks much sense and warning to those who don't take care of trying to have too much all at once and expecting not to feel the bad effects!
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As usual, you know exactly what I was trying to day. I had one person who thought was a diet poem. Perhaps it is, in a way, but I think the metaphor applies to all kinds of gluttony. Not just food.
I am glad you enjoyed the poem. Sorry about the sandwich.
Mike
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Good
Nice follow of theme, the flow feeds into the speeding, consuming gait of the poem!! I think you wanted "abhored", it sounds better in the mouth.
And good on ya mate for the guts to write in character!!
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I read the line you mentioned. It irritated me. I am a stickler for rhyme, so I left it as abhor. I restructured the sentence though. Let me know if you think it works now.
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Hello.
An excellent insightful write. I found your rhythm and rhyme excellent, and you said what you wanted to say keeping the rhyme understandable and not forced. Flowed nicely as well.
The writer to me seems to be on a path of enlightenment; having catered to the physical senses, has come to the realisation that the thing that truly feeds us, and the thing that we must bring to the fore is the soul. The hole that physical sensations try to fill are nothing more than a) fleeting; and
don't do the job, just keep one preoccupied. Happiness comes and goes on the outer, like a drug, you will be looking for the next high, but with open eyes a person can see that what it is. The things that bring true happiness are always the ones that go deep within, and that is where peace can be found, and once the soul takes over, external stimuli can never bring a dampener to the deep contenment within. I may have gone off on a tangent, hahahah.
I wish you well on your journey. My regards.
Edit: That shade thing is meant to be: " b )"
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Thank you. I wrote that one from deep inside. I think that some readers view it as a poem about dieting. I guess it fits. I think you got the true meaning of what I was trying to say.
Thanks for reading and leaving such a thoughtful comment.
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I hope to savor real contentment at last,
Nourishing body and soul in a quiet repast.
These lines sum up a fantastic read. I hope you find the real contentment you want so much... you deserve it my friend.
Annie
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Thank you. I am working on it every day. I have a good "dietician".
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Intelligently moving
You chose the perfect words to convey such strong emotion.
Nice job bud!
wolf
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It is much appreciated.
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very good
"I seek the contentment of a simpler meal"- beautiful maturity
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Thank you for your comments. It means alot. I am lucky that I did not die of old age before I found the contentment that maturity brings.
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this is wonderful, and such a lovely flow, great job and good luck in the contest
take care,
stephanie ♥ -
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Thank you for your comments. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
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Absolutely genius!!!!
I am with ya, my friend...And for me....Silence helps, I've been sitting in silence asking myself what i really needed...for awhile I couldnt stand the answer that kept coming...But I realized I need to listen to my soul, and not my brain, so I made some big changes!!! And I feel that calm serene diet of contentment... food has lost its power my friend! Thanks for sharing, a deep profound write with great flow and rhyme!!!!
. Rewarded 8
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I do have an atrocious diet, but food is not a real issue for me. I use it in this poem as a metaphor for other issues in my life, as I am sure you realized.
I suppose it is also a good poem for people struggling with weight problems. For some people the food issue is a manifestation of other unresolved problems in their lives.
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Wondeful write!
A funny as always but with a serious issue at heart. Well written and good advice for the reader!
Regards,
Degraw
. Rewarded 4
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It is kind of a metaphor for my life and for where I am at this point. True contentment cannot be obtained through gluttony. It is what I hope to achieve before it is too late.
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