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deflowered flower


his whole body pants sweat
it coils me into a tight
child of sex. heaving and howling
i feel his hyena giggle
squirm across my thighs.
he was dry and poverty grew
inside his belly, hungry for more.
i was the illusion of a vast
thunder storm, open
ready to give all myself.
and i did cry, from the sweet
corners of my body,
sad for the loss
of bodily spring.

i was a desert flower.
i had been, until he showed me
the dry land around my soft
petal face.

but i know mirages
can sometimes satisfy
men living under a realistic sky.








Author notes

critques.
peace to all ~flight

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Age of Rain
    July 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *laughs* 'Hyena giggle' This was both comical and deep at the same time. I found it interesting how you mixed deep metaphorical like 'poverty grew' and mixed it with 'child of sex'. For some reason, I couldn't stop laughing for is so blatantly obscene and yet, it had an undercurrent that is there if you look. Great work, really!


  • acoustical
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hmm. i like it. but;

    to him i was a desert flower.
    and i had been, until he showed me
    the dry land around my soft
    petal face.

    that i feel like would sound better without the "to him" at the beginning.

    maybe one too many "ands" like in
    and I did cry, from the sweet
    corners of my body,
    sad for the loss
    of bodily spring.

    but the meaning is strong.
    and wonderful.


    • flight
      July 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      you're so right. thanks for helping tighten this!!!
      i really appriciate it!
      peace to all ~flight


  • polly filla
    July 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Disgusting/ Strangely Familiar/ Compelling

    It's a long-shot, & I think there's no money-shot

    insight

    • flight
      July 12, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      thanks for introducing me to the artist, the photos
      are very intriguing. i don't really know what you ment
      by "it's a long shot and think there's no money-shot".

      peace to all ~flight

      • polly filla
        July 12, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        at first (reading) I thought 'that's obscene!' and then I thought 'what could your poem mean, considering context?'

        I think it's on a level anyway...raw.

      • polly filla
        July 12, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        you're welcome

        I think I meant 'this poem is so 'out there', few will come (in relation to the direct subject)

        peace back

1 - 9 of 9