Good timing really was of the essence
Since the window of amorous opportunity
Was no more than thirty glorious minutes,
From when the long-suffering orderlies
Had cleaned the stupid old mongol up
Until she soiled herself yet one more time
Causing a really repellent Dame Judi (*see note 1),
Not that a strong pong was anything fucking new.
With the plastic-suited cleansers finished,
The pathetic patient waited unsuspecting,
Not caring what her morning had in store,
Being in a suspended ultra-vegetable state,
With only marginally more appreciation
Of the joys of life than a stale turnip.
(but one man's past-sell-by-date root veggie
is another's pride and joy, so to speak).
An empty corridor bade him welcome to the chambre d'amour;
And his pass key opened and closed the ward door.
The old trout's staring eyes registered nothing,
Which was a refreshing change from spastic fear.
He pulled back the bedsheets from his delectable prey,
Silently raised up her worn and much-laundered nightie
Exposing her familiar fresh-washed minge zone,
Mercifully not yet drenched by a new pissy squirt.
He smiled, relishing with intellectual anticipation
The dubious erotic pleasure which lay ahead.
Thus he removed his pristine gown, laying it on a chair,
And quickly dropped his well-cut trousers to the floor;
Stiff Moby (*see note 2) in hand, he climbed up on the bed.
Ignoring her tiny grunts of mindless discomfort;
His fingers expertly parted the moronic goat's immense bush,
As on so many a past joyous loving occasion.
Spit-lubricated, he eased himself into her slimy Sir Anthony (*see note 3)
And rode her silently and methodically,
Careful not to make the bed squeak or creak,
Lest someone heard him on the job of love.
It lasted five or six sweating (and delirious) minutes
And then he climaxed with a happy gurgle of adoration.
She said nothing, but then she never did, the cow,
Although his nose told him she had done a huge crap.
Then he withdrew and scratched his eczematous scrotum,
Before redressing, above reproach once again.
Safely back in the antiseptic hospital corridor
A passing fat staff nurse asked respectfully,
"How is the poor old idiot today, Professor?"
He answered, "Sound asleep, let her rest, Nurse,
I doubt she'll be with us much longer now."
He walked happily to his next appointment,
Flaccid penis oozing a nostalgic drip of sperm,
Anticipating the forthcoming consultation:
A rather pretty girl who had rather sadly
Lost both of her legs in an exciting car crash,
And who had suffered massive brain damage,
Which meant she could hardly complain
As he sodomised up her virginally lovely shithole.
Bronze trophy winner
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