between layers of shadows
lies the darkened hull of me
a sea-torn ghost in the midst
of the arrogant eye
of my summoner
shattered winds whisper
as i taste the shadow
with my bitter tooth
and the unwilling host
emptied my chest
of life
and death
brutal is the truth of years
i am fastened to the gods
and escaping courage
is the bread of beggars
in hollow bowls
the skies cannot guide me again
for the light is but the moon
and songs sing of fluke
with the burning shoulder
of living
and life
i look into the bony bulb
dust and ash swirled in grace
i hear whales blow in my blindness
and ordinary is alive again
in the needles eye
mist rose with the ghost
and shadows wore blinders
the hull spoke loudly
against the waves
and an old pepper shaker
was salty once more
Author notes
inspired by Ernest Hemmingway and Alexander Pope
A little snap
A little crackle
the pop is up to you
In a list
A contest entry
- Snap~Crackle~Pop! by sailor ptolema.
1100 points, ended July 25, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I love the metaphors of salt & the sea that are used in this. I can see why it won gold. This is very well writ, and definitely has the 'pop'.
-joan.
.
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congrats!
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Oh yes: I love this. Thank you for this quality piece. This has a soft clean voice and flow. Easy to read. The ending does leave a pop
. I like the idea of going against the waves 
"
shattered winds whisper
as i taste the shadow
with my bitter tooth
and the unwilling host
emptied my chest
of life">>>>>>>definitely my favorite stanza. This words really seeped in
thank you for entering and g'luck!
-sailor ptolema -
You have such a unique turn of phrase, such imagery you have dished up in this poem making one stop re-read and say Oh, Awesome! Good luck in the contest. The authors note is superb.
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WOW...Hemingway and Pope are definitely gleeful upon reading this...
Or at least, they are beneath their graves...
Plus, your AN cracked me up..."the pop is up to you"<--LoL!!!
Okay...this poem is freaking amazing!!
"lies the darkened hull of me"
The voice of the poem doesn't have much self-esteem, huh?
"a sea-torn ghost in the midst"
Terribly unique line!!!
"of the arrogant eye
of my summoner"
Oh wow!! Love the whole 'summoner' aspect and 'arrogant eye' is a great phrase as well!!
"as i taste the shadow
with my bitter tooth
and the unwilling host
emptied my chest
of life"
Great imagery, great diction...and how physically descriptive as well.
"brutal is the truth of years"
Time can be unkind...that's what I got from this line.
"i am fastened to the gods"
This would be a bad idea for me...I'm such a sinner (or I would be considered one).
"is the bread of beggars
in hollow bowls"
HAHA!!! I LOVEEEE these 2 lines!!!
"i look into the bony bulb"
Oh-so-bleak..
"and an old pepper shaker
was salty once more"
Love this as well!!! You make the most unlikely things to write about seem so...evocative in this write. Everything was seamless and well-written.
There were more lines I liked (e.g. all of them), but I got lazy. =D
Kudos on writing something so...AWESOME, and good luck (like hell...you don't really need it!! I would give this Gold. =D)
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