Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

[ endings ]



 

i lived in your shadow

 

 breathed in your darkness

 

smelled decay

 

 

i was forfeit

 

 

(were we once not whole?)

 

 

oh how my heart fluttered!

 

... but in profound dismay

 

disengaged all feelings fade

 

 

my love light waned

 

sparks blinked on and off,

 

awakening each day to heartbreak

 

weakening... losing color

 

imprisoned fireflies battering the smooth glass walls

 

of a cryptic, vitric suffocating cage

 

 

until i was hollow...dried up ...

 

feelings dead and lifeless where they lay

 

 

 

Author notes

"Take a bow and exit stage left"... option 6 word bank:
glass
fireflies
forfeit
breathe
shadow
color

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • secberm
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Pretty dark write. Not so much into dark writes but I LIKE this! I hope this was imagined and not drawn from experience. Write on, poet. One.

    Dez


  • Emile
    July 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    good

    Poetry seems to be an intricate part of your life. You can take the simplest of concepts and make magic with words that breaths life into them. Your thoughts are clear and your words bubble with life so that the reader is caught up in your enthusiasm.


    • malkinpuss
      July 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Emile

      Oh thank you so much for your wonderful words of encouragement! You have no idea how much they mean to me!


  • Enkeli
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Before I begin to review your entry, I'd like to point out that you did not put the phrase "Take a bow and exit stage left"... which is supposed to show me you read the rules. Please do so, this is your only warning.

    On a different note, this is a stunning, well-written poem. I love the way you used "fireflies", as a metaphor, instead of literally. The emotion in this is strong, and your imagery captivated me.

    "cryptic, vitric suffocating cage"
    what a vivid phrase. I love it.

    ".. sparks blinked on and off
    awakening each day to heartbreak
    until hollow...dried up ...
    dead and lifeless where they lay"

    I like these lines best. The meaning to them is clear, and it's a beautiful ending to such a great poem.

    • malkinpuss
      July 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Enkeli

      First of all thank you for the heads up on the phrase... I did know to put it in but forgot to. i spend a lot of time editing after I submit!
      Secondly, thank you so much for your encouraging words. They mean the world to me!

1 - 5 of 5